Having a crisis? You CAN bounce back...
Every week clinical psychologist Dr Eddie Murphy answers your health and wellbeing queries
AS IT’S Suicide Awareness Week, it’s the perfect time to look at ways to ensure that people don’t go into a suicide crisis and, if they do, that they can come out without taking the ultimate step.
Indeed, as a society we need to challenge the premise that ‘good’ mental health is enough. It is not good enough.
We need to go beyond this and develop a society that is resilient. This skill can be promoted for all — children, adolescents and adults — and our wise seniors who often have resiliencein abundance.
Research shows that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. People commonly demonstrate resilience. Being resilient does not mean that a person doesn’t experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain and sadness are common in those who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress.
Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviours, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed by anyone.
FACTORS IN RESILIENCE
A COMBINATION of factors contributes to resilience. Many studies show that the primary f actor is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance all help to bolster an individual’s resilience.
Additional factors are associated with resilience, including:
THE capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out.
A POSITIVE view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities.
COMMUNICATION and problem-solving skills.
THE capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses. HOW YOU CAN BUILD ‘BOUNCEBACKABILITY’ DEVELOPING resilience is a personal journey. People do not react in the same way to the same stressful life events and an approach to building resilience that works for one person may not work for another. Imagine resilience as a muscle — here are some strategies to strengthen it:
DEVELO a sense of optimism. Can you imagine wearing glasses that actively select optimism? Just as a person has physical fitness, so too there is mental fitness. How often do you train your brain?
VOLUNTEER. Do you have the heart and the energy to help others? Check volunteer.ie for opportunities to volunteer in areas that may interest you, from social justice to animal charities.
NOURISH your soul. Faith, prayer and spirituality play an incredible role in some of our emotional lives. Research has proven time and again how all of these act as important stress-buffers. If you have a latent belief, consider rekindling it and you might find another avenue for growth and exploration.
LIVE a life with meaning and passion. Sometimes we need to move beyond our own personal world. Individualism leads only to alienation and narrow interests. I knew a woman who had depression. After losing many family members through cancer, she wanted to raise money for hospice services. She has swum, walked, run, climbed mountains and had her head shaved. Her life is full of meaning and her depression is now at bay.
LEARN to laugh at yourself. How much can you do this? Laughing when you do something foolish can release negative emotions. Humour can also help us pull through the most horrendous traumas.
FIND role models. We all need wise people in our lives; people to look up to and get advice from. Real people who are their real selves. Can you think of anyone? Look around... they are often closer than you think.
Sometimes you can also pick ‘parts’ of people to emulate — someone’s assertiveness, for example, another’s sensitivity and another’s capacity to slow down — and take in the big picture.
GET out of your comfort zone. We need to challenge and to stretch ourselves, otherwise our world gets only smaller. I know millionaires who won’t spend anything on themselves. They are generous, thoughtful people who won’t go on holiday or go out for a meal and count their successful days by how little they spend. Why? You only live once.
ADOPT new approaches to challenges and setbacks. Rather than seeing setbacks as failure or challenges as stressful, ask yourself these questions. What is the best thing I can do here? What options do I have? Is there anything I can learn from this situation?
When you adopt the stance of a learner, your questions promote acceptance and empower your undertaking of new actions.
NURTURE friendships and relationships. A network of friends or family provides us with social support, which is incredibly important for both happy and challenging times. A problem shared really is a problem halved. It breaks down the isolation, opens up opportunities and lets us know we are not alone.
TAKE control. Nobody is responsible for your life except you. By believing that you have some control, your confidence will shift in the right direction.
This means taking control of all parts of your life, particularly your physical and emotional health. Tackle things straight on. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t i gnore or wish away your problems. Just do things today.
With resilience we can enter into the dark spaces that invariably occur in life and grow into the new spaces where life is filled with hope, meaning, and contentment.