I can’t move mountains

HELLO amai. I hope you are well. I am a 24-year-old woman. I am head of my department at work. I was fortunate enough to have things fall in line after I graduated.

I make good money and I try to make good use of it. The problem is that my mother likes to live a flamboyant lifestyle and pledges things in my absence.

I end up footing unplanned bills. I complained about this and my father sided with me. He told my mother to stop overburdening me.

How do I get her to stop? My maternal relatives think I do not want to help them.

This is all my mother’s doing.

Response

I am very well and thanks for asking. I am glad your father has sided with you. Things are tough in this economy. You have to stand your ground.

No means no. The more you do not honour the empty promises and pledges she makes, the more she will see how serious you are. Do what you can and nothing more.

Your relatives sound entitled. Tell them to try to secure jobs and projects to sustain them because you simply cannot cope.

Baba must continue to help you rein in amai. Her need to portray flamboyance may cost the family dearly, and get you into unnecessary debt.

Keep being stern. It is the only way to establish clear boundaries.

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Am I falling out of love?

I am a 27-year-old man and I am in a relationship with a 26-year-old woman. We have been dating for the past three years.

She is beautiful and very respectful. My problem stems from a recent period in our relationship, where I went to work out of town for a month. I did not cheat on her and as far as I am concerned, she did not cheat on me either.

However, I felt disconnected and out of love with her. I thought it was just the distance and when I got back, nothing changed.

I do not feel connected to her anymore. Is it possible to fall out of love for no reason at all? What must I do now?

Response

For starters, I would like to commend you for being in a stable relationship for three years.

Your generation is fast-forward and most relationships do not last. I do not think you fell out of love.

Rather, I think you are beginning to wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. Never leave a good thing for something unguaranteed.

A bird in hand is worth two in the bush. What made you fall in love with her? What activities did you enjoy doing together? Walks or going to the movies? You need to get back to that and try to reconnect. At times all it takes is for one to stoke the fires of love and the magic will return. Do not get cold feet unnecessarily. You must also question yourself on where this is going. You have dated her for three years and you are at a crossroads. Do you see a future with this girl, and if so, how can you get into the next phase and leave this level behind? Only after you have truly exhausted all of this can you really find out if you have fallen out of love or you have just hit a rough patch.

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Lawyer begrudging me over $5

Makadii amai? I am a driver at a law firm and I am 24-years-old. I befriended a lawyer and we get along well. I borrowed $5 from him and did not pay it back after two days as I had promised.

He threw a fit and is now begrudging me over it. He usually gives me larger amounts with no consequence.

Financially, he is much better off than I am. Is this normal? A whole lawyer?

Zvichiri zve$5 or pane zviripo? Must I give it back or just wait for the whole thing to blow over?

Response

Ndinofara kana muchifarawo. Your issue is trivial at best. Just pay back the money. A loan no matter how big or small is still a loan.

You question him over his actions, but you must also question yourself and the way you are ruining a good friendship over $5. A whole driver?

I hope you realise how ridiculous all of this sounds. Some people take promises seriously and you should hold up your end of the bargain.

In future, do not borrow money from him. He really does not seem like the type to let you off the hook easily. Pay back the money and apologise. It is too small a matter to plot and scheme over.