Being there in times of need

EACH time suicide rears its ugly head in a community, especially collectivistic cultures such as ours, our efficacy in discharging (and implementing) the Ubuntu concept comes into question on a number of levels.

Either on the part of the deceased, of whom people ask whether or not he or she attempted to reach out to someone, or on the level of those around the deceased on how they did not pick up that this was where one of their own was headed?

Did they lend an ear or a shoulder to lean on?

And for those who know of depressed and hurting individuals, the question becomes: Am I doing enough to assist? Or what else can I do to ease the desperation?

And at times, on the part of a despairing individual, the reality may be that they are failing to find someone who can truly minister to their pain.

But of course, what remains true is that once some individuals make up their mind to take their own lives, there could be very little others could do to persuade them otherwise.

Yet, for others, it is also true that while the pervasive thought of committing suicide may continually be present in their psyche, they may well lack the “courage” to go through with it.

Because, let us face it, it does take a considerable amount of courage to go through with the act.

The disturbing reality right now is that suicide cases are on the increase as the country battles socio-economic challenges such as job losses and difficulties in making ends meet.

Other causes of despair and desolation such as bereavement, divorce or even some pre-disposition to mental health challenges also continue to be possible triggers of suicidal thoughts or tendencies.

In our daily existence, with relational networks such as ours, Ubuntu is expected or invoked to bring about feelings of belonging, including values of collective well-being and shared burdens.

Yet, even so, some people fall through the cracks and get entrapped in some very dark spaces of utter despair, loneliness, desperation and hopelessness so gripping they feel no one and nothing can help. So they give up and take their own lives.

Is there room for our leaders to help heal the despairing and the desolate; the helpless and those without hope?

It is up to each and every one of us to not only look around us, but to also search within the nooks and crannies of our consciences and hearts and explore whether or not we are doing our best to reach out to those drowning.

What the soaring number of suicide cases around us prove is that perhaps we are not being adept at seeing signs and also not being able to both appreciate and acknowledge the depth of despair.

As leaders in our communities and families, as relatives to our fellows and friends, neighbours and acquaintances to our colleagues, we need to be vigilant and detect symptoms even where they may not be so obvious.

We need to take active and leadership roles in being there for one another.

Contemporary leadership trends call on leaders to, among other things, be highly concerned about the welfare of their members, to be compassionate and be there in interpersonal ways.

Catching the signs, action

Pay close and keen attention to those around us.

If we notice sudden withdrawal of a team member, we need to investigate it.

Reach out to individuals and speak to them on a one-on-one basis and in confidence.

If some unexplained absenteeism presents and/or persists, investigate and get to the bottom either yourself as a boss or community leader, or delegate someone to do that.

Some individuals may not be forthcoming with details of their pain, hurt or loss, or may not be expressive or communicative by nature, but even without too many details, once you establish or get a sense that there is something there, some indication of some problem existing, be there for the person.

Do not belittle or brush aside what may appear to you as minor.

To the affected individual it may not be minor and also coping skills differ — just be there for the person.

Engage them so they can feel embraced, loved, and where possible, proffer solutions or refer for counselling. If you can do it yourself, counsel them. In the event of someone requesting a meeting because they have a problem, try not to postpone the meeting, otherwise someone may actually take their life even as they are on a waiting list to see you in a few days.

Try and be available and responsive to those around you — make it a point to know the lives and lived realities and circumstances of the existences of those around you, not necessarily in an intrusive way, but with a genuine need to stay connected and minister to others.

Maggie Mzumara is a leadership, communication and media strategist as well as corporate trainer who offers group trainings and one-on-one coaching in various areas of expertise. She advocates women leadership and is founder of Success in Stilettos (SiS) Seminar Series, a leadership development platform for women. Contact her on maimzumara@yahoo.com or follow on Twitter @magsmzumara