Dealing with anger issues as a Christian
HAVE you ever found yourself feeling frustrated or angry with someone? It may have been something small they said or did that set you off. Perhaps they cut you off in traffic, or they said something that left you feeling slighted or betrayed.
Our anger can be kindled for any number of reasons, and if it is not expressed well, that anger can deal an untold amount of damage to ourselves and the people around us.
Times may have changed, but people have remained the same. The things that drive us and the impulses at work within us today are not that different from our biblical forebears.
One story early on has become illustrative of how destructive anger can be.
Soon after our rebellion, Adam and Eve had two sons, the infamous Cain, and his brother Abel. Due to his jealousy over Abel’s sacrifice to God being accepted when his was not, Cain killed his brother Abel.
This did not happen immediately — Cain was “very angry,” and God spoke with him to warn him to overcome that anger, saying, “. . . sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it” (Genesis 4:7). Rather than him ruling over it, Cain’s anger mastered him, and he lured his brother out into a field and killed him in cold blood.
Now, your anger may not lead you to do something as egregious as murder, but if it masters you, it can lead you to do things that you regret, like speaking words in anger that you would never say otherwise.
What are anger issues?
Most people get angry at one point or another. The term “anger issues” refers to when our anger is out of control, and we do not express it in a healthy way. When you cannot stop yourself from being angry or control what you say and do when you are feeling that way, that is a good sign that you have anger issues.
Unhealthy ways of expressing anger include letting anger explode into violence, whether verbal or physical. It also includes suppressing your anger, leading you towards moody silences, passive-aggressive behaviour, using non-verbal cues.
Signs of anger
◆ Your anger has affected important and
other relationships.
◆ You have gotten violent when you are feeling angry.
You cannot seem to let go of resentments and grudges towards people.
You have said and done many things in anger that you regret.
◆ You just cannot seem to control your anger. If this is you and you realise that anger is an issue for you, consider seeing a therapist or another mental health professional for help to get your anger under control. The people in your life will appreciate that decision.
Tips on dealing with anger
It is about self-control.
At root, anger issues are about lacking control over anger. Recognising the fact that your anger has mastery over you, and not the other way around, is a great start to addressing the issue.
Proverbs 16:32 says “Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.” Why is it better? Because power coupled with impatience can mean destruction for you and the people around you; because without self-control what is gained today can be easily lost tomorrow.
“A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.” (Proverbs 25:28). A city with broken walls is open to invasion from anyone who takes a shine to it. Without self-control, we are at the mercy of whatever emotions or thoughts come our way, and we are powerless to defend ourselves against them.
Slow down
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. — James 1:19-20
Sometimes we can jump to conclusions about what people are saying, and our anger response is triggered. Instead of taking a beat to listen and hear others out, our assumptions can lead us into a downward spiral into anger. So slow down and listen to what other people are saying. If you need to, take time out to regain perspective before you re-engage. Think before you speak.
Get some exercise
Working out does wonders for our bodies and minds. Exercise helps to reduce the amount of stress hormone (cortisol) in our bodies while increasing the so-called “feel-good” brain chemicals like dopamine and endorphins. So, training your body (whatever form that takes for you) reduces stress while elevating your mood.
Express your anger in a healthy way. Anger is not always a bad emotion. It can tell us that something is not right in our world, so it helps us to pay attention to it. What we do with and in our anger is the issue. So, in saying, “In your anger do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26), Paul means that not all anger is sin.
Let your anger go
Lastly, do not hold grudges. Anger is a powerful emotion that can crowd out other emotions, and by letting your anger go through forgiveness, you open possibilities for your relationships with others. — bellevuechristiancounseling.