TWO ‘STAR WARS’ LINEUPS
Can coach Yoda’s football team win?
“Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker” hits theaters Friday to Super Bowl-level fanfare. So, of course, you want the answer to the obvious question about “Star Wars” ... what would a football team of “Star Wars” characters look like? Glad you asked. Here’s the allStar Wars football team roster coached by Yoda for the annual Life Day game:
Offense
Quarterback: Luke Skywalker – A Jedi who served as a commander in the Rebel Alliance, Skywalker has the necessary leadership skills to own a huddle.
Running back: Princess Leia – Fans have yet to see Leia put her full powers on display. Being the featured back will provide her with that opportunity.
Running back: Rey – Her “The Force Awakens” performance basically served as her pro day for scouts of this team.
Wide receiver: Poe Dameron – Ego, cockiness ... seems ace starfighter pilots and diva receivers have a lot in common.
Wide receiver: Finn – The Stormtrooper-turned-Resistance hero would form a dynamic receiving tandem.
Slot receiver: Chirrut Imwe – His “the Force is with me, and I am with the Force” mantra will come in handy on third-and-long situations.
Slot receiver: Ezra Bridger – The “Rebels” star has shown a real knack for evading opponents.
Left tackle: Chewbacca – He’s big, strong and hyper-competitive (known for pulling “people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose”).
Right tackle: Qui-Gon Jinn – This Jedi Knight can just Force push opposing defenders away.
Guard: Unkar Plutt – The Intergalactic Football League’s dirtiest player.
Guard: Owen Lars – “Country strong” after years of working as a moisture farmer on Tatooine.
Center: Jek Tono Porkins – An ace XWing pilot, Porkins is an obvious choice to set the blocking assignments.
Tight end: Kylo Ren (aka Ben Solo) – Hopefully things don’t get awkward with Kylo, Rey, mother Leia and uncle Luke in the same huddle.
Defense
Defensive end: Darth Vader – The fall to the Dark Side also meant a move from offense to defense for the former Anakin Skywalker. His crude breathing device alone would be enough to intimidate opposing players.
Defensive end: IG-11 – Game tape from “The Mandalorian” really showed the impressive skill set of the IG-series assassin droids.
Defensive tackle: Jabba the Hutt – With the space-eating Jabba clogging the middle, it makes sense to run a 3-4 base defense and get some speed on the outside.
Outside linebacker: Darth Maul – Despite losing a step after his legs were replaced with cybernetic ones, Maul still is a menacing presence.
Middle linebacker: Jyn Erso – Late spike in production toward end of Jyn’s career was a result of her tenacity and resourcefulness.
Middle linebacker: Enfys Nest – Proved her mettle by surviving while taking on one of the galaxy’s deadliest crime syndicates.
Outside linebacker: General Grievous – This evil cyborg’s extra set of arms will come in handy.
Cornerback: Han Solo – The galaxy’s most notorious smuggler will be a valuable ball-hawking corner.
Cornerback: Lando Calrissian – Only knock is that he tends to gamble too much in coverage.
Strong safety: “The Mandalorian” – Mando has a real ability to seek and eliminate targets.
Free safety: Obi-Wan Kenobi – There’s nobody we’d rather have serving as the last line of defense.
Special teams
Kicker: C-3PO – We’re sure his creator – Anakin Skywalker – could reconstruct the protocol droid to include a potent, cybernetic kicking leg.
Holder: R2-D2 – Yeah, you just knew these two droids also would be inseparable on the football field, too.
Punter: Jar Jar Binks – Fans hope this Gungan never gets onto the field.
Return specialist: BB-8 – Nobody can tackle the droid once it gets rolling.