Self-nurturing in times of crisis
Allowing yourself to just be
Meditate, or if you can’t sit still try a form of active meditation like qi gong or t’ai chi, or stream of consciousness writing or drawing.
THERE ARE DAYS when I find myself staring into space for long periods of time, my mind not dwelling on any thought worth remembering.
In the past, I would shake myself out of the reverie and chastise myself for wasting time. As the product of a society driven by a need to be constantly doing something, and being judged by what we accomplish, I saw doing nothing as almost a sin. I now realize I am just being. Taking time out just to be is essential for nurturing ourselves, something many women don’t do. According to an ancient study (2000), 80 percent of American women think self-nurturing is important, but only a third actually make time in their day to do it. Threequarters spend 10 hours a day caring for partners, husbands and children. Over 90 percent of women with one or more children spend less than 60 minutes a day caring for themselves, with 25 percent of them not able to put aside even 10 minutes for self-nurturing.
Maybe the numbers have changed in the last 20 years, but 10 years ago when I moved in with my now husband I found my alone time dropped dramatically as I assumed tasks related to the small farm he lived on – ran errands, prepared meals and helped his kids, on the days they were with us, with their homework.
After living most of my adult life alone, doing what I wanted when I wanted (but always doing, and feeling like a chronic underachiever), I welcomed the change, but I can see how for many wives and mothers, putting aside time for themselves is difficult, and I only had kids three days week.
Guilt is one of the main reasons women give for not self-nurturing. Even briefly putting our needs before those of others is seen as indulgent and selfish. Taking a relaxing bath, going for a walk or having a massage is time that could be better spent getting ahead on chores. But just as athletes need to rest and recharge in order to achieve maximum performance, so must we take time off to be the best, most present, caring partners, mothers, employers and employees we can be. Self-nurturing to be effective doesn’t mean setting aside a big block of time every day; it can come from changing your attitude and increasing selfawareness (I agree, a hot bath is much simpler). As we women can be very hard on ourselves, try reciting positive affirmations on the drive to work like, “I love myself and treat myself with kindness.” Sometimes when I’m driving, I put an enormous smile on my face that feels so ridiculous I’m soon laughing out loud, and laughter, as we know, is the best medicine. Learn to let go of criticism, both receiving and giving. Let go of stuff you don’t need. Distance yourself from people who hold you back. Be kind and compassionate to yourself and others. Treat your body better, and by extension your family, by adopting a healthier diet, and be sure to get enough sleep. If you can set aside a few minutes a day, try turning off your phone while drinking your coffee or tea so that you can enjoy it without being disturbed. Ground yourself by standing barefoot on the earth absorbing its energy, or if your yard isn’t barefoot friendly, buy a grounding mat. Grounding is shown to normalize levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that helps control blood sugar levels, regulates metabolism, helps reduce inflammation and assists with memory formulation.
Keep a gratitude journal in which you record five things every day that you’re grateful for.
For those who can free up an hour or two during the day or week, take a walk in the mountains or along the gorge. Find a Zoom class on something you’ve always wanted to learn, or maybe one day go to a class if the virus ever allows.
Meditate, or if you can’t sit still try a form of active meditation like qi gong or t’ai chi, or stream of consciousness writing or drawing. My cousin practices Zentangle, a meditative art form that she says focuses her mind in the present and calms her being.
During these troubling days when we are worrying about our health, and coping with economic hardships and the stresses of being cooped up at home, it is important that we make time to nourish our souls.