Boyfriend, 63, has zero plans for his financial future
DEAR ABBY >> My husband died three years ago, and I met someone shortly after. This man is kind and loving, and he treats me well. He happily moved with me to another state to be near my family. I’m 67, and he is 63. I’m retired and hopefully have enough to live on for the rest of my life, although as everyone knows, anything can happen.
My concern is that this man gives his two children so much money every month that there’s none left over to help with any of our household expenses. He knows he will have to wean them off financially before he retires. I’m loath to ask him to stop, because I don’t want to lose him over this issue. However, I didn’t budget having to support him for the rest of my life.
He hasn’t saved any money for his retirement. When I’ve asked why he sends them all his money, he says that when he and their mom divorced, it upset them and he feels guilty (it has been 18 years!), or when he gets old and senile, they’ll care for him. When I mentioned that when he gets old and senile, I’ll ship him out to his daughter, he said she has her own life and won’t want him there. It’s driving me crazy! What do I do?
— Stressed Retiree
in Washington
DEAR RETIREE >> You must protect yourself — that’s what you do. Speak up and tell this kind, loving, generous freeloader that unless he’s prepared to pay his half of the household expenses, he will have to move. It may not be a pleasant conversation, but you will avoid a lot of heartache — not to mention financial ruin — if you assert yourself NOW. By the way, there are no guarantees his daughter would be willing to take care of her father when he’s old and senile. Many parents, to their dismay, discover that sad fact when it is too late.
DEAR ABBY >> My daughterin-law is a terrible housekeeper. I watch my grandchildren three days a week and am expected to drop them off at her house after I pick up the oldest (age 5) from school. It is troubling for me to see how dirty the house is, so I end up secretly cleaning. What’s the best way to address this with her? I could offer to help her with the housework a few hours a week.
— Tidy in Tennessee
DEAR TIDY >> The best way to address this would be the direct approach. Ask your daughter-in-law if she has noticed that you have been helping to clean her house. If the answer is no, explain that you would be glad to continue helping out and you have a few hours a week to work WITH her, if she’s willing. You are a kind and considerate mother-in-law, and I hope she is appreciative.
DEAR ABBY >> I’m wondering if you can give me a tactful suggestion on how to get lingering family members to go home when I entertain.
— Back to Normal
in the East
DEAR BACK TO NORMAL >> Try this: Stand up and say, “It has been fun getting together, but it’s time to call it a night. We need our rest if we are going to be productive tomorrow. Thank you for being with us. We’ll do it again.”
The SoCal Indie Bestseller List for the sales week ended June 4 is based on reporting from the independent booksellers of Southern California, the California Independent Booksellers Alliance and IndieBound. For an independent bookstore near you, visit IndieBound.org.
HARDCOVER FICTION
1. The Covenant of Water: Abraham Verghese
2. Happy Place: Emily Henry
3. Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow: Gabrielle Zevin
4. Demon Copperhead: Barbara Kingsolver
5. Yellowface: R.F. Kuang
6. Lessons in Chemistry: Bonnie Garmus
7. The Celebrants: Steven Rowley
8. Hello Beautiful: Ann Napolitano
9. The Making of Another Major Motion Picture Masterpiece: Tom Hanks
10. Good Night, Irene: Luis Alberto Urrea
HARDCOVER NONFICTION
1. The Wager: A Tale of Shipwreck, Mutiny and Murder: David Grann
2. The Creative Act: A Way of Being: Rick Rubin
3. King: A Life: Jonathan Eig
4. On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly
R.F. Kuang’s “Yellowface” is among the top-selling fiction releases at local independent bookstores.
Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good:
Elise Loehnen
5. Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma: Claire Dederer
6. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones: James Clear
7. Walking With Sam: A Father, a Son, and Five Hundred Miles Across Spain: Andrew McCarthy
8. The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse:
Charlie Mackesy
9. Stay True: A Memoir:
Hua Hsu
10. Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity: Peter Attia, M.D.; Bill Gifford
MASS MARKET
1. The Diary of a Young Girl: Anne Frank
2. Mistborn: The Final Empire: Brandon Sanderson
3. Dune: Frank Herbert
4. The Brothers Karamazov: Fyodor Dostoevsky
5. The Catcher in the Rye: J.D. Salinger
6. The Ocean at the
End of the Lane: Neil Gaiman
7. Foundation: Isaac Asimov
8. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: Douglas Adams
9. The Well of Ascension: Brandon Sanderson
10. The Picture of Dorian Gray and Three Stories: Oscar Wilde
TRADE PAPERBACK FICTION
1. Trust: Hernan Diaz
2. The Song of Achilles: Madeline Miller
3. The Midnight Library: Matt Haig
4. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo: Taylor Jenkins Reid
5. Daisy Jones & The Six: Taylor Jenkins Reid
6. The Thursday Murder Club: Richard Osman
7. Circe: Madeline Miller
8. The Alchemist: Paulo Coelho
9. The Maid: Nita Prose
10. The Last Thing He Told Me: Laura Dave
Moon Alert: Avoid shopping or important decisions from 6-6:30a.m. today. After that, the moon moves from Pisces into Aries.
Happy birthday for Sunday, June 11, 2023: You are perceptive, optimistic and disciplined about pursuing your goals, which is why you are often successful.
You stand up for what you believe. This is a year of service, especially to family, which means you must take care of yourself because others will turn to you for help and guidance.
Aries (March 21-April 19):
★ ★ ★ ★ This is a strong day for you because the Moon is in your sign. Admittedly, you feel more emotional than usual; nevertheless, things will go your way more easily. You’re ready to spend money on fun times! Tonight: Be gentle.
Taurus (April 20-May
20): ★ ★ ★ ★ This is the perfect day to entertain at home. People like to come to your home because you know how to please others with good food and drink. Enjoy entertaining at home today, as well as redecorating where you live. Tonight: solitude.
Gemini (May 21-June 20):
★ ★ ★ Today, your ruler Mercury moves into your sign for the next few weeks, which will make you eager to talk to others and share your ideas. Today you are genuinely happy to see others. You also appreciate your daily surroundings. Tonight: See friends.
Cancer (June 21-July 22):
★ ★ ★ Your financial scene is favored today. You also might benefit financially in your dealings with friends and especially groups.
People notice you today. Details about your private life are made public to some. Tonight: You’re noticed.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22):
★ ★ ★ ★ Today you’re keen to learn new things because you want to do something to expand your mind. You also might make travel plans. People are impressed with you and want to be in your company. Tonight: Explore!
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
★ ★ ★ If you’re caught up in disputes about shared property, insurance issues or inheritances today, authority figures will be supportive of you. This means you are in a position to bargain and benefit from negotiations with others. Tonight: Check your finances.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
★ ★ ★ ★ Conversations with friends and partners will be lively and informative today. You will also enjoy involvement with groups, especially related to the arts or other cultures. A romance with a friend might begin. Tonight: Cooperate.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov.
21): ★ ★ ★ ★ This is the best day to schmooze with others. For starters, you look attractive to others. They see you as charming and friendly. Meanwhile, discussions related to work, inheritances, shared property and insurance matters will favor you. Ask for help. Tonight: Work.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): ★ ★ ★ ★ You’re the traveler of the zodiac, and you need a change of scenery — white sands, turquoise waters or maybe mountainous trails to hike. You love it all. Accept invitations to party! Tonight: Socialize.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): ★ ★ ★ ★ This is a pleasant day! It will please you to do something to get better organized. You’ll enjoy time spent at home relaxing among familiar surroundings. Some of you might be involved with a pet more than usual. Discussions about shared property will favor you. Tonight: Cocoon.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): ★ ★ ★ Conversations with children or romantic partners will be heartfelt today. You want to talk about something that is meaningful, not superficial chitchat. Fortunately, relations with partners and close friends are supportive today. Tonight: warm conversations.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March
20): ★ ★ ★ ★ Business and commerce are favored today. It’s a good time for family discussions, especially about home improvements or the allocation of funds and resources. Tonight: money ideas.