Victims ‘wake up and share’ most painful events of lives
Women at Ceremony in the Garden seek hope, healing.
WEST PALM BEACH — Surrounded by sunshine, flowers and greenery, Kat Duesterhaus calmly Thursday described the most terrifying moment of her life.
Duesterhaus was 14 years old on May 29, 2000, when, she told a crowd of 30 people, she was gang-raped by a group of men at a house party in California.
“I remember hearing them discussing some things I didn’t understand. ‘Who’s going first?’ ‘Whose getting sloppy seconds?’” Duesterhaus said at the annual Ceremony in the Garden, a day of hope and healing for crime victims and their families.
“They were half-arguing, half-joking, like it was an inside joke I did not understand,” Duesterhaus said.
Shortly after the incident, Duesterhaus said she sought help from a relative, who told her that it was her fault, and that it happened because of the clothes AUDIO ONLINE
Hear the victims in their own words at the Ceremony in the Garden at myPalmBeachPost.com
she was wearing. For years, she struggled to find guidance and make her story known. Events like Thursday’s ceremony are part of that process.
Duesterhaus is one of six women who bravely stood at a podium at Mounts Botanical Garden in suburban West Palm Beach to share their stories of how they became victims of sexual assault, murder, stalking, domestic abuse and drunken driving.
Palm Beach County’s Victim Services and Rape Crisis Center held the ceremony there for the seventh straight year. It is part of weeklong activities marking National Crime Victims’ Rights Week.
Each victim at the ceremony said that they found a sense of hope and purpose in their recovery, but the journey there was challenging.
“I hold zero shame or guilt for what they did to me ... though it wasn’t always that way. And unfortunately, my story is not unique,” Duesterhaus said.
Duesterhaus — now a small-business owner and a volunteer for sexual assault response teams in Palm Beach, Martin and St. Lucie counties — said she does not let her experience define who she is.
“We all showed up today to make the world a better place, right here, right now—and that is a sign of change to come,” she said.
Maria Hernandez told the crowd she always dreamed of becoming a dancer, but in 2015 her aspirations came to a halt when a drunken driver crashed into the car in which she and her boyfriend were driving.
Hernandez, who did not say where the crash took place, said fire-rescue workers thought she was dead, and that she was taken to a hospital only after her boy-
friend held her head up and told officials she was breathing.
Once at the hospital, doctors told Hernandez’s family that she only had 24 hours to live.
Hernandez said she was in a coma for about two months, with the whole right side of her body broken and one of her lungs punctured.
Doctors told her family that she might not remember them. But they were wrong again.
“Today I was able to wake up and share my story. It hasn’t been easy, but what matters really is the love that you share, because that is what sticks with you no matter what.
“I am sharing this day with my mom, who I remember very well,” Hernandez said while looking at her mother, who was seen crying with joy in the crowd.
Hernandez is now a dance instructor and said that patience, therapy and group support helped her make it through the trauma of her accident.
Milsa Amely, whose son was murdered in Palm Springs in 2015, did not expect to share her story with others Thursday. She said having her religious books in her car was a sign.
After reciting a few Bible verses and a short prayer, Amely confided to the crowd about how she was able to resume her life without her son in it.
“I remember throwing myself on the floor and screaming. For 48 hours, all I could do is scream,” Amely said. “Only by moving through this pain do we get to embrace the gift of healing and call it our own.”
Amely said that going to a 13-week workshop with professionals and therapists helped her with the loss of her son, and she found her way by sharing her story with other parents who have also lost children.
While working as a nurse for pregnant women, Amely has met mothers who have lost their children at birth and feels blessed that she can help them prevail and teach them to deal with the pain.
But Amely has also seen victims who did not overcome their feelings of loss.
“I found mothers who do not go the support groups, that have become addicted to antidepressants, that become sick, that have died ... from the pain of a loss,” Amely said.
“Our empathy will give them comfort and hope.”