‘Please and thank you’ is a presumptious phrase
Dear Miss Manners:
How would you respond to someone who says, “Could you do something for me? Please and thank you.” They think they are being polite, and I don’t want to embarrass them or hurt their feelings.
Gentle Reader:
There’s a reason that the “please” comes as the request is being made and the “thank you” comes afterward. It wards off presumption — and a foregone conclusion. Miss Manners is not falling for it, and neither should you. The response to it is to say in a light and teasing way, “I’m sorry. I seemed to have missed something. To what did I already agree?”
Dear Miss Manners:
I’d like to give two longtime friends, as a belated wedding gift, an antique platter that I bought in the U.K. 35 years ago. (They had a family-only wedding, which is why I hadn’t fretted about not sending a gift earlier.) Knowing their taste, I’m sure they would like it, and it would mean a lot to me to part with something I treasure so that two people who have been kind to me could now enjoy it. May I give it as a belated wedding gift? If not, may I give it as a “Thank you for your many kindnesses” gift? Also, is there a gracious way of saying, “Although I didn’t buy this for you, this is a meaningful gesture because I love this item”? I don’t want to sound tacky or martyr-y, and it would genuinely make me happy to give them a little pleasure, but I’d like them to understand that I didn’t simply root out some item that I was happy to part with.
Gentle Reader:
There is a difference between what you suggest and simply unloading unwanted inventory. Miss Manners suggests that you present the platter with an accompanying note that gives its history and says something charming like, “I have long treasured this antique, just as I have treasured our friendship. I thought that you and Bertram might like it as an addition to your new household as a married couple. “
Write to Miss Manners at MissManners@unitedmedia.com, or by mail at United Media, 200 Madison Ave., 4th Floor, New York, NY 10016