Abrasive parenting witnessed

Dear Annie: My daughter and her best friend are 30. When her friend was 12, she lost both her parents. She has been like part of our family since then. She came home last year with a beautiful baby. Her husband is stuck in his own country awaiting a visa. My daughter babysits daily for her, and they are both here almost daily. She is a wonderful, accomplished young woman, and we adore her toddler. As she is a single mom, she relies on us. But she has started yelling at the baby. If he is too noisy or demanding, she loses it. The first time it happened, I was shocked into silence. But it has happened again, and I have to say something. I am afraid to drive her away and make things worse. She has been a truly great mom, and she came back to the U.S. for better opportunity for him. Please help me find the right words.

Heartbroken and Worried

Godmother

Dear Heartbroken and Worried Godmother: Your concerns over your goddaughter’s yelling at her child are very valid. She may not even be aware that she is doing it. Yelling probably is the result of anger and stress in her life, and being a new single mom is not an easy transition. I would be completely honest with her and ask her what is going on in her life to cause her to be so impatient. I’d also tell her that repeated yelling at the child is unacceptable. No excuses. You might give her some advice on how to cope with an unruly toddler without resorting to yelling. You have been a loving and supportive person in her life. Sometimes true love involves honesty.

Dear Annie: Your advice to “Wedding Woes,” the woman whose developmentally disabled daughter has been effectively disinvited from her other daughter’s wedding because the disabled daughter’s fiance is not invited, completely missed the point. Despite the fact that the other daughter would have preferred not to have a wedding, she is having one. Etiquette dictates that if you invite immediate family, you invite all the immediate family. I would think the disinviting sister would be glad to have the fiance help her less able sister travel, navigate hotels and attend the wedding to celebrate her happy day.

Catherine G.

Dear Catherine G.: True. Unfortunately, the bride-to-be was not the one who wrote me; it was her mother, who does not get to decide the guest list. It would be much kinder and politer for the bride to invite her sister’s fiance; I agree.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.