Friend is not responsible for suicide

It’s finals week. You’re cramming, but still not prepared. Exasperated, you wonder how you’ll possibly succeed.

A friend makes a suggestion: Cheat. Wavering at the thought, you again ask him, and once more, he tells you that academic fraud is the best path.

You do it, and get caught. Who’s to blame?

The obvious answer is that you, and only you, should be held accountable for your actions. Undoubtedly, your friend steered you unwisely, but since you are the one who willfully chose to cheat, only you should be penalized.

Most commonsense people agree with that assessment of culpability. So why are some cheering a Massachusetts prosecutor’s decision to charge a former Boston College student with involuntary manslaughter after she urged her boyfriend to commit suicide?

Alexander Urtula, a 22-year old set to graduate BC last May, exchanged thousands of text messages with girlfriend Inyoung You, many of which discussed suicide. A mere hour before commencement, with his family in attendance, Urtula took his life by jumping from a parking garage.

Tragic as the story is, it is imperative to understand that urging another human being to kill himself, while reprehensible, should not be a criminal offense. Doing so gives a free pass to the person who commits suicide, and blows another hole in the rapidly-disappearing value of accountability.

Suffolk County District Attorney Rachael Rollins stated, “Ms. You’s behavior was wanton and reckless and resulted in overwhelming Mr. Urtula’s will to live.” She added, “Many of the messages clearly display the power dynamic … wherein Ms. You made demands and threats with the understanding that she had complete and total control over Mr. Urtula, both mentally and emotionally.” Rollins said that Ms. You’s abuse was “physical, verbal and psychological,” and that she tracked Urtula via his phone (as she often did), and was nearby when the suicide occurred.

The prosecutor’s argument is that an adult man – legally permitted to work, drink, drive, vote, smoke, live on his own, and fight for his country — nevertheless shouldn’t be held accountable for an action that he, and only he, performed. Instead, since America’s new rule is to immediately assign blame, Urtula’s death is hung on Ms. You.

It was wrong for Ms. You to urge Urtula to take his own life, even though that may have been his wish. And if Urtula had begged his girlfriend for her “blessing,” she should have refused and sought help.

But should her actions be illegal? No way. That said, let’s not forget that since this case is in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts, all bets are off. In fact, a Massachusetts judge set a horrendous precedent several years ago by sending then-17-year-old Michelle Carter to jail because she had recommended that her friend commit suicide. (The case was made into the HBO documentary “I Love You, Now Die: The Commonwealth Vs. Michelle Carter.”)

Urtula, a biology major, was described as a gifted student and active in the college community. With such a bright future ahead of him, and his family there to honor him, the fact that he jumped to his death an hour before graduation tells us that his problems ran infinitely deeper than anything Ms. You could have done. He was a ticking time bomb, and, without help, his fate was likely sealed. Blaming Ms. You succeeds only in masking what demons Urtula was fighting.

Where does it end? If you tell a cash-strapped friend to rob a bank – and he does – should you be arrested on conspiracy and robbery charges? If you urge someone to jump off a boat without a life vest and they drown, is that manslaughter? And what about the superheated political arguments on social media where opponents tell each other to do unprintable things, including suicide? Should they be charged?

Suicides are on the rise for many reasons: 24/7 social media; constant coddling; isolation resulting from smartphone addiction; inability to differentiate movies from reality; and the chance to be a social media celebrity, going out as a “viral” sensation, among many others.

It’s time we stop jumping to conclusions before knowing the full picture, and cease blaming others for the choices we make. Only then can we hit the ground running in the quest to stop America’s greatest epidemic: the suicide of our children.