The hidden cost of gun violence: funeral directors
A lot has been written about the impact of gun violence on our schools, children and society.
But what about those on the “front lines?” Funeral professionals and clergy stand witness to the most horrific experiences most parents can imagine. What effect does all of this have on them?
“When you handle services like this, it’s quite heavy and traumatic for the families, obviously, but also for the practitioners,” says death resource educator and former funeral director John Christian Phifer.
The job doesn’t end when the funeral is over, according to Wesley Wright, a Nashville funeral director for over 20 years. “Details of services for people over 65 seem to fade away, but kids who’ve been shot never go away,” Wright says. “I remember everything-where they were found, how old they were, what their body looked like, their grave location, everything.
“I check on their mom, check on their dad. When you realize you’re remembering kids’ names and their birthdays, that’s when you know it’s tough.”
Samantha “Stormy” Carter was 16 years old when her boyfriend shot her in the head last September, killing her and her unborn baby in a Pulaski motel room. Stormy occasionally attended youth group activities at Antioch United Methodist Church. Current pastor Rev. Rose Taylor describes feeling “hopeless and helpless” upon learning of the shooting. “What tore me up afterward, besides the horror of it, was wondering if there was anything I could have done. ....
While schools and churches generally have programs in place to offer support to their employees, no such services seem to be provided to funeral professionals.
“Sadly, no. There are no support groups other than us sitting around and talking,” says local funeral director and embalmer Robert Clinton. “We’re a closed society, but through helping families heal, we get to heal ourselves.”
The dangers can go beyond the emotional.
“I’ve been to services where guns have been drawn,” Phifer says. “It’s actually not uncommon. I’m personally for any type of gun control legislation that helps reform the ways people access guns.”
There are local groups trying to do just that. Beth Joslin Roth is the founder of Safe Tennessee Project.
“Organizations like mine are not trying to repeal the Second Amendment or take guns away from law-abiding gun owners,” Roth says. “We’re trying to keep guns out of the hands of dangerous people and away from children. Young children finding guns and accidentally killing other children happens with shocking regularity.”
Perhaps the most prominent voice in the funeral industry today is that of Caleb Wilde, author of “Confessions of a Funeral Director.” He recently wrote, “Most articles about school shootings end with an action point or a political sound bite. I’m a funeral director and embalmer. I’m not supposed to get political.
“I can’t tell you how to fix the problem. All I can say is that I wish we never had to fix the fractured faces and bodies of school children. I wish we never had to hear mothers and fathers weep… but we do.”
Alicia King is the author of “Healing: The Essential Guide to Helping Others Overcome Grief and Loss.”