‘Beaches’ comes infested with earworms

What exactly can a guy my age bring to a review of the 2017 remake of “Beaches” (7 p.m. Saturday, Lifetime)?

Idina Menzel and Nia Long reprise the roles played by Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey in the 1988 original. A tale of female friendship told in extended flashbacks, the first “Beaches” was a nine-hanky affair that popularized “Wind Beneath My Wings,” arguably the most over-covered ballad until the advent of Josh Groban and his particular brand of sentimental treacle.

But, as noted above, I really have nothing to bring to this review, as I dwell pretty far outside the orbit of the film’s intended audience; I never saw the original and can easily think of about 12,000 other films or series I’d rather watch or write about before getting my critical flip-flops sandy with either. But if this reboot brings a renewed popularity and saturation of “Wind Beneath My Wings,” I may have to return to the subject with a sharpened pen, or other blunt instruments.

Speaking of popular, horrible, inescapable songs, has it really been 20 years since the 1997 release of “Titanic” (6 p.m. Saturday, AMC) and the attendant world domination of Celine Dion’s cloying theme “My Heart Will Go On”?

Smithsonian returns to the wellcovered story with “Titanic: The New Evidence” (7 p.m. Saturday). Newly discovered and examined photographs of the ship’s construction point toward cost-cutting and shoddy workmanship under unrealistic deadlines as the real culprits that doomed the unsinkable ship. And here we have been pinning the rap on an iceberg for the last 105 years!

» Life under constant surveillance in a national security state is the subject of a TV series on Sunday.

CBS launches “Hunted” (9 p.m., WREG-TV Channel 3), a reality TV manhunt featuring nine teams of two ordinary Americans trying to stay off the grid and off the radar of a highly professional team of investigators and hunters.

Saturday’s other highlights

» Figure skating is featured on the U.S. Championships: Ladies Free Skate (7 p.m., WMC-TV Channel 5), live from Kansas City, Missouri.

» The Cleveland Cavaliers host the San Antonio Spurs in NBA action (7:30 p.m., WATN-TV Channel 24).

» “The Guardians” (9 p.m., Animal Planet) rescue dogs from incarceration and abuse.

» Aziz Ansari hosts “Saturday Night Live” (10:30 p.m., WMC-TV Channel 5), featuring musical guest Big Sean.

Sunday’s other highlights

» The New England Patriots host the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC Championship Game (5:30 p.m., WREG-TV Channel 3), pre-empting “60 Minutes.”

» “Mercy Street” (7 p.m., WKNO-TV Channel 10) enters its second season.

» Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis star in the 2012 comedy “Ted” (7:30 p.m., WMC-TV Channel 5), co-starring Seth MacFarlane, who co-wrote and directed.

» The queen mulls marriage on “Victoria” on “Masterpiece” (8 p.m., WKNO-TV Channel 10).

» The pope’s creepy speech raises eyebrows on “The Young Pope” (8 p.m., HBO).

» Rookies lean in on “Quantico” (9 p.m., WATN-TV Channel 24).

Kevin McDonough can be reached at kevin.tvguy@gmail.com.