Cousin asks for help paying speeding ticket

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, my cousin’s boyfriend came to pick me and a friend up from the airport. I appreciated the gesture until he started driving recklessly. He was breaking every rule in the book on the drive from the airport to the house. He was texting, speeding and switching lanes without signaling. We ended up getting pulled over twice. The second time, he got a speeding ticket. The next morning, my cousin asked if I could pitch in for her boyfriend’s speeding ticket; it really offended me. We had asked him nicely to slow down, and he didn’t listen to us. It’s not our responsibility to pay for that ticket, even if we were the reason that he was driving in the first place.

I told my cousin that I’m not paying, and she got an attitude with me. We really haven’t been the same since. What can I say at this point? How do I get her to understand that the ticket was not our fault, nor is it our responsibility? — Pay the Fine

DEAR PAY THE FINE: You need to have a heart-to-heart with your cousin. Since this man is her boyfriend, it is going to be a challenge to get her to see his role in the experience. But you need to do your best to get her to see the truth.

Of course, you should not pay for his tickets. He was reckless. Not only did he break the law, but he also put your lives in danger. Tell your cousin exactly what happened, how you pleaded for him to slow down and how he ignored you. Explain that you will not pay for his recklessness — nor should she. Stand your ground even if it means that there will be distance between you, at least for a while.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t want to meet my girlfriend’s family. We’ve only been dating for a short time, but she keeps pressing me to meet her mom, dad and brothers. I’m supposed to be visiting her in a month, and I can’t find the words to tell her that I don’t want to meet them yet. She seems so excited about it. What do I say? — Too Soon

DEAR TOO SOON: Tell your girlfriend the truth. If you aren’t ready to meet her family, say as much — and tell her why. What is your trepidation? Do you know? Claim it, and state it. It could be that you simply want to take time to get to know her before you meet her family. But clearly your understanding of “meeting the parents” means something. Be able to articulate what that means and why you want to wait.

If your girlfriend gets mad because you aren’t ready to commit the way that she thinks she has, stand your ground. Tell her what you envision your life to be with her and the pacing that you imagine for it. If you are still in the “fun” stage, tell her that. Be honest. It will help you to navigate this tender moment. Not wanting to meet them may feel like rejection to her, so you do need to be honest. This could be a dealbreaker in your relationship.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews Mcmeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.