DEAR PRUDENCE
WITH ADVICE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AT HOME, WORK & BEYOND
Dear Prudence: My husband is Jewish and fairly religious. I am not religious at all, and sit on the fence of outright atheism. He has also recently been suffering from an endocrine issue, and has not been processing melatonin properly. Consequently, he’s been having enormous trouble sleeping, and it’s been affecting him in a number of ways.
The one that has me most immediately worried is his weekly trips to the synagogue. He drives there, about half an hour each way, and spends three to four hours on Saturdays. His reflexes aren’t so good at the moment, and he’s been cutting back on driving because of the constant fatigue.
Driving to “Shul” is just about the only long trip he still takes, and I worry every time he gets behind the wheel. I wanted him to stop going, but when I suggested it, it wasn’t even a fight, it was just a flat refusal to even consider the request.
He was willing to discuss alternative travel arrangements, but he won’t spend money on Saturdays for any reason, which means a cab or something is out.
At one point he asked if I could drive him, but I don’t feel comfortable being his chauffeur like this, especially to an activity that I don’t quite see the point of. Most of his friends at synagogue walk there, and I don’t know how viable it is to ask someone to pick him up and drop him off.
At this stage, I really don’t know what to do. Do you have any suggestions? — Worried Wife
Dear Worried Wife: You don’t see the point of a religious person going to the synagogue? Really?
I mean, I get that you’re something approaching an atheist. But you love this man and you know his religion is important to him.
I don’t even know him, and I can take a wild guess and say he’s going for community, for comfort, and for a sense of peace — especially as he deals with a serious health issue.
I don’t think it’s fair of you to argue that you care about him so much that you don’t want him to drive there, but not enough to do the driving (if not every Saturday, then at least once or twice a month) until his condition is under control.
Either step in and help out, or let him make his own decisions — and maybe offer him a cup of coffee on the way out the door.