Teaching compensation has costs along with benefits

How important is compensation to you? What did you learn about it growing up? Did you have chores to perform in return for an allowance or some other type of exchange?

What does compensation mean to you now?

A simple definition of compensation means a form of payment given to an individual or group in exchange for their services.

In psychology, we know that how a person developed throughout childhood, teenage years and young adulthood greatly impacts their relationship with compensation. For example, some children were taught that all the responsibilities that were placed on them were a part of their family obligation. In one sense, this may be a collaborative family plan where everyone does their part to contribute. Taken too far, though, it becomes detrimental to the child. They learn that what they contribute has no value and that they are unworthy of being compensated for what they have given to the family.

Many children are saddled with housework, yard work, caring for the siblings (and sometimes the parents too) with no appreciation or acknowledgment, which are also forms of compensation. When they grow into adulthood, these people may be scared to ask for what they deserve in the workplace. They may allow recognition for their work to be granted to another without speaking up for themselves. They sometimes struggle with codependency and lack of selfworth and esteem because they internalized the messages of their developmental years by the people who had the most impact.

At the other end of the continuum resides families who offer monetary gifts and appreciations while requiring the child to do nothing to contribute. This individual often grows up to feel entitled to receive what others do even though they haven’t put in the work.

Either way, it’s detrimental to the child and later, the adult. Identifying how you developed, and its impact can help you find balance.