Bailing on gatherings during pandemicmakesme bad guy

Dear Miss Manners: My partner of 25-plus years has a huge local extended family. They regularly and frequently gather for holidays, birthdays andminor celebrations. The celebration population varies from25-50 people, from infants to septuagenarians.

These celebrations have continued well into the COVID-19 pandemic. No behavior has been modified. No face masks, no social distancing. Potlucks and hugs all around.

I toldmy partner I amnot participating in any future family celebrations until a vaccine is available.

I am now the bad guy. Not only amI “pooping the party,” but I amalso holding the family’s favorite uncle hostage. (Staying homewith me was his free choice, but he is not happy withmy convictions, either.)

Idonot wishto offend, but I feelmy position holds substantial merit and follows the guidelines and laws of our state and local municipalities. Also, my partner falls into the vulnerable population of potential COVID19 fatalities.

How to proceed politely to maintain family harmony, both extended and within my own household, without apologizing for upholding the law?

GentleReader: Youmight remind them that the future well-being of their favorite uncle is dependent on his being kept healthy and safe.

But Miss Manners supposes that that will poop on the party, aswell. As a compromise, you might promise a blowout party, sometime in the vague future when all of this is over, hosted by you and your partner. In the meantime, you are available for planning and socializing via videoconference. So’s their uncle.

Dear Miss Manners: My daughter has a habit of acknowledging my birthday andother holidays with a text in lieu of a card — or, preferably, a phone call.

Thisyear, shesenta“Happy Father’sDay” text, whichIdid not immediately respond to. After several hours, she sent another text.

I don’t want to encourage this type of holiday greeting, as I consider it lazy and disrespectful.

I sent her flowers for both Valentine’s Day and Mother’s

Day, and her acknowledgment came in the form of a thank-you text.

Are we at the point that a text is socially acceptable as away to say “thank you” for a gift? DoI need toreevaluate howIperceivethings? Assuming that it is notanacceptable form of communication, is there a polite way to try to get some sort of upgraded acknowledgmentorresponse?

I’m not particularly happy that I’m writing, and feel like a grouch.

Gentle Reader: If you would like her to communicate, then communicate.

She is your daughter, and it is never too late to parent adult children — particularly in regard to their behavior toward you.

But treatingwhat shemay consider a perfectly acceptablegreetingwithsilence, Miss Manners points out, is actually the larger transgression.

Ifyoudonotlikethemethod with which she is communicating, tell her. “Texts feel so impersonal. I would love to hear from you. When is a good time to talk on the telephone?”

Sendquestions to

Miss Manners atwww. missmanners.com; dearmissmanners@ gmail.com; or Miss Manners, AndrewsMcMeel Syndication, 1130WalnutSt., Kansas City, MO64106.