TIPS ON HOW TO TALK TO COLLEGE-AGE KIDS ABOUT VIRUS SAFETY

Before dropping their teens off at college this year, many parents had a version of “the talk” — except this one focused more on the coronavirus pandemic than sex.

But despite parents’ efforts to prepare their children and the extensive safety protocols set up by colleges and universities, the novel coronavirus has infiltrated campuses nationwide, turning many into COVID-19 hot spots in just a matter of weeks. With cases continuing to rise, forcing switches to online-only classes and strict dorm lockdowns, parents have found themselves trying to figure out how to communicate their concerns from afar.

Discussions about safety, especially during a pandemic, need to be ongoing, said Ludmila De Faria, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Florida who specializes in college mental health.

1. Don’t interrogate.

“If(parents) haveachecklist that says,‘Areyouwearing yourmask? Areyougatheringwith fewerthan sixpeople? Areyoustaying6feet apart?’ Imean, that willget oldvery, very quickly,”saidKarenCoburn, a formerassistantvicechancellor andauthorof“Letting Go: AParents’ GuidetoUnderstanding the College Years.”Sheadded,“Youcan’texpect tohaveanopenrelationship ifyou interrogateyourchild ratherthan havingaconversation.”

DeFaria recommendedframing yourquestions tofocusonwhat people aroundyourchild are doing. Forexample, askwhether yourchild’s friends arebeing safe orwhetheranyoneoncampusis getting sick.

2. Don’t lecture.

This isnot the time tolectureyour college-agechildaboutsafetyor scoldthemwhentheystray from the guidelines, experts say.

Instead, aimforthe“Goldilocks Zone,”said GloriaDeGaetano, founderandchiefexecutiveof theParentCoaching Institute, headquarteredinBellingham, Wash.

“It’snotoverly permissive, andit isn’toverlycontrolling,”DeGaetano said. In thiszone, youareable to maintainyourauthoritybut stillbe gentle, caringandsupportive.

“You’renot policing,”shesaid. “You’reinvesting in the child’s growth, andyou’reworking togive that youngadultwhatheorshe needstodevelopoptimally inthe bestwayyoucan.”

3. Stick tothefacts.

Coburnrecommendedrelyingon factswhenaddressingbehavioryou feelcouldbeunsafe— for instance, going toapartyindoors.

“Youjustpresent the reality, the facts, becauseyoucan’t say, ‘Well, you’renot allowedtogo.’That doesn’twork,”she said.“Soyousay, ‘Well, I’mconcernedbecausethis iswhatsciencesays. This iswhat weknow.’Andthenmaybehavea discussionaboutit.”

Ifthe child is insistentongoing, youcanswitchtonegotiation, De Faria said. Seewhetheryourchild wouldbewilling towearamask andfollowotherpublichealth recommendationsat theevent.

4. Listentoyourkid.

Giveyourchildachance toexplainhowtheyplanon handlinganysituations, said MercedesSamudio, alicensed psychotherapist specializing in parentingandfamilies.

“Ifparentscontinuouslyoverbear ontheirchild orarereally insulting, then thiscollege-agekid isgoing to justdecide theydon’twant totalk toyouanymoreandthenyoulose all contactandall abilitytoknowhow they’redoing,”she said.“Theycould easily justhangupthe phone.”