Do not let ‘lurkers’ bring you down

Dear Amy: I have a large extended family. I was close to my cousins and aunts growing up, but I now feel like the black sheep. I am gay, with political and religious beliefs that are different from the rest of my conservative family.

While no one has been overtly mean or critical to my face, I am “friends” with many relatives on social media, and I am often given the cold shoulder in this forum.

My aunts post warm messages to their other nieces and nephews. They have never posted anything to me. My cousins also post back and forth with each other.

If I add a comment to the conversation, no one responds. I often leave friendly comments on their photos and updates, even though they never acknowledge me.

My mother is very close to her siblings and their children, but she has no idea they treat me this way. She does not have a social media account.

Weirdly enough, my relatives seem to pay close attention to my social media, and often tell my mom about updates or photos I post, which she appreciates. I want to tell her that these relatives are two-faced, but I’m not sure I need to make my problem her problem, and the problem of me feeling snubbed on social media is easily solved by removing them from my friends list. Advice? — Snubbed

Dear Snubbed: Your relatives are lurking. Lurkers note what other people post, but decline to “like” or comment.

You should post whenever and however you want to. You might feel better about this dynamic if you become more of a lurker on your family’s posts. Yes, unfriend them (or hide their posts) if you want to, but don’t let them change you. I don’t know how it will help matters for you to report this snubbing to your mother.

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