Jail, divorce severs ties to grandchild

Dear Amy: My son and daughter-in-law are separated. My son is in county jail awaiting sentencing.

His wife has moved on and is in a relationship with someone else. She is currently living a great distance from us. There is a child. I love this child dearly, but now cannot see her due to the distance.

The mom served my son for full custody. I am so sad. How do I deal with my profound disappointment at not having this child in my life? — Sad Grandma

Dear Sad: Given that your son is in jail, the mother should have full custody of the child, and as the child’s grandparents, you should embrace whatever is best for the girl.

You should make an heroic effort to stay in touch with the child’s mother. Tell her that you respect her choice and that you all want whatever is best for your grandchild.

Ask her to email photos and videos from time to time and do your best to be supportive, long-distance grandparents to this child.

The child’s mother has an ethical obligation to try to honor your relationship with her child, but she has no legal obligation to do so.

Dear Amy: “Best Friend” was excessive ly worried that his young buddy and roommate was becoming an alcoholic. I cannot believe that you actually encouraged him to confront him over this.

We are increasingly living in a nanny state, where people feel comfortable confronting individuals over their choices. You just encouraged this.

If the friend doesn’t like his roommate’s drinking, he should move.— Disgusted

Dear Disgusted: Friends and family often worry about the dangerous habits of people they care about. I agree that the chances they will force someone else toward change are slim, but many feel compelled to try.