‘One person dying is one person too many’
Advocates: Jennifer Dulos’ death is a ‘wake-up call’ for domestic violence survivors
Before Jennifer Dulos disappeared five years ago, she told a family court judge that her husband, Fotis Dulos, threatened her financially and physically, according to court documents.
She filed for custody of her five children in 2017, and Carrie Luft, who has served as a spokesperson for Jennifer Dulos’ family, said the defense argued then that “there was ‘no active violence’ in the marriage.
“‘No active violence’ does not mean that there is no violence in a relationship — emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, or physical,” she said. “What was not able to be introduced into evidence in its full, vivid reality was Jennifer’s fear.”
Meghan Scanlon, CEO of the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said those stories are common among domestic abuse victims.
“Advocates had been seeing non-physical forms of abuse for many, many years,” she said, including, “financial abuse, stalking and emotional abuse and psychological abuse,” as well as threats against children and pets and more.
Scanlon believes there are at least 40,000 victims of domestic violence in Connecticut every year.
“I think it’s small based on doing this every day. I’m like, ‘We are so missing people,’ because whenever I talk to people, regardless if I’m at the legislature or at a community event, someone always has a story that they share with me about themselves or their family member or their friend,” she said. “So, I know that this issue impacts more people, directly and indirectly than we admit to in the state.”
Jennifer Dulos has never been found, but a judge last year declared her legally dead. Now, as Michelle Troconis has been
convicted in connection with her death, five years after the disappearance and four years after Fotis Dulos died by suicide, Scanlon said the New Canaan mother’s story may have encouraged victims of domestic violence to come forward.
For survivors, she said, “it was sort of a wake-up call in that regard, like, ‘Oh, maybe I am experiencing some sort of abuse or violence and maybe I can seek services.’ ”
Suzanne Adam, chief executive officer of the Domestic Violence Crisis Center, said that is the “silver lining.”
“This is a public health crisis and a social issue that truly does thrive in silence, and bringing the public awareness and that education that this can happen to anyone is truly the first step in ending this pervasive silence issue,” she said.
“One person dying is one person too many,” Adam said.
“This tragedy should not have happened. But the silver
lining is that in New Canaan and in Connecticut and the nation, people are safer because they know it can happen to anyone and they also know that help is available.”
The case did have some direct impact on Connecticut law. In 2021, the Connecticut General Assembly passed what was
called “Jennifer’s Law,” which created a general definition of domestic violence, including coercive control, though Luft said “legal definitions and acknowledgment of intimate partner violence remain inadequate, in spite of the progress being made on that front.”
Still, Scanlon said it made a difference.
“For Connecticut to then pass a bill that would allow individuals to go in and seek relief through the court system for non-physical forms of violence was a huge shift and not something that the court didn’t see in the past, but the court didn’t necessarily have a way to address it in the past,” Scanlon said.
A similar measure, also called “Jennifer’s Law,” was passed in California.
The Dulos family was not without means, a fact Scanlon said has helped the case resonate even more.
“She seemingly had resources, but couldn’t utilize or access them, or for whatever reason, had a fear of doing so. She was terrified of retaliation. That also is one of the ways in which people started to realize, this is a pattern of behavior. This is what abuse is,” she said. “You can’t access the resources that you would like to because you’re afraid of retaliation. You’re afraid of your kids maybe being hurt. You’re afraid of yourself being hurt.”
“That was more of a public realization in this case, than some of our cases that we don’t talk about in the media every day,” she said.
Scanlon also said that Jennifer Dulos has helped overcome the misconception that “this could never happen to a wealthy white woman.”
“We know as advocates that it can, and we know that it happens to more than just wealthy white women on a day-to-day basis. It crosses over gender identities and socioeconomic statuses and race,” she said.
“We know that it doesn’t discriminate against these different identities that we classify ourselves in. But I think
for the general public, there’s this assumption or misconception about who is the face of domestic violence, when we all are.”
It’s for that reason Luft urges all media to “increase coverage of all missing people,” particularly cases of intimate partner violence.
“There are many people whose stories do not receive immediate attention during a crucial window of time. ‘Missing white women’ is a trope because it is accurate. The women themselves are not at fault; they are, tragically, dead,” she said. “The responsibility for this disparity in coverage lies with the media. Cover all these stories, across races, ethnicities, genders, and economic stations, and help us expose and address this epidemic of partner violence, of partner homicide and murder.”
Scanlon said people often think of domestic violence as a question of criminal justice, but she believes it should be considered a public health issue.
“It impacts all of the different social determinants of health, from housing to economic security to access to food.” she said.
“People don’t think about this, but the individuals that are experiencing intimate partner violence or family violence are living in your community every day, oftentimes going to the same schools as you going to the same workplace.
Visiting the same doctor’s office or community health center.
“What is happening to them in terms of their own health and safety and well-being impacts all of those different systems and it does impact you on a day to day basis, whether you realize that or not,” she said.
To connect with a certified domestic violence advocate, whether you need services or just someone to talk to, visit CTSafeConnect.org or call or text 888-774-2900. If you think your computer usage might be monitored, call or text the phone number. Advocates are available 24/7.