Person with funny name tired of inevitable jokes
Dear Miss Manners: I have a name that people like to make jokes about. No matter how clever or original a person might think their comment is, I have heard it many times before! What is the best way to tell someone that I hear this all the time, and I would like for them to stop?
Gentle Reader: “Yes, people keep saying that. What are some of the names that you get called that you find hilarious?’’
Dear Miss Manners: A year ago, two girls were killed in a car accident in our neighborhood.
This was of course very sad, and people brought flowers, balloons and such to the site of the accident. This seemed appropriate.
Families are still bringing stuff to the site, and one family is planning to erect a permanent marker there. This seems to me like overkill. It seems to me like the grave sites would be the right places to bring remembrances. Or am I unfeeling? I’m sure Miss Manners will let me know.
Gentle Reader: Yes, but she would share your reluctance to let the bereaved families know.
Contrary to the popular belief in “closure,” there is no time limit on such grief.
Why commemoration should take the form of balloons (and often teddy bears, even for grownup victims), Miss Manners has never quite understood. But again — if it brings comfort, she will not complain.
However, endless focusing on the site of the accident strikes her as an unfortunate way to memorialize two lovely young girls. Surely there was more to remember about their lives than the tragedy of their deaths.
Dear Miss Manners: A friend of mine is dead. Do I send a sympathy card to the exwife? They were married 30plus years, divorced maybe five years, and have two adult sons handling all the arrangements. I definitely sent cards to the sons, but am not sure about the exwife. She has remarried.
Gentle Reader: Unless you were close to the exwife and have reason to know that her feelings about the deceased were such as to cause grief at his death, Miss Manners recommends that you limit your condolences to those whose claims to bereavement are clearer.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I went to dinner with our daughter, granddaughters and daughter’s boyfriend. My husband paid the bill. After leaving the restaurant, I received a text from our daughter’s boyfriend (he has never sent a text to my husband), saying “Sorry, tell your hubby thank you for dinner, please.’’
I felt that to be a chauvinistic response, since it was technically both my husband’s and my money paying for the dinner. Where was my thankyou? I felt he should have said, “I’m sorry, I forgot to thank you and Jason for dinner. Please pass this on to Jason.’’
Am I wrong or overreacting?
Gentle Reader: You might consider overreacting if your daughter is thinking of marrying this person. He seems to think that it is only the husband who represents the family in dispensing hospitality. Miss Manners does not consider it relevant where the money came from or who actually paid the bill. Send questions to Miss Manners’ website: www.missmanners.com; to her email address: dearmiss manners@gmail.com; or through postal mail: Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.