C. W. Nevius: S. F. archbishop’s backers should dial back the rhetoric.

Supporters of San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone are holding a “family picnic” Saturday at Sue Bierman Park. To which much of the city replies: Hey guys, why don’t you give it a rest?

As Cordileone’s most eloquent critic, Brian Cahill, the former head of San Francisco Catholic Charities, says, when Cordileone arrived here 21⁄

2 years ago, he had “barely unpacked his bags” before he began launching volleys from the ultraconservative faction of the culture wars.

He ignored protests from prominent local politicians such as Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom and attended the divisive March for Marriage in Washington, D. C., in 2014. More recently, he announced changes to the teacher handbook for archdiocese schools that required teachers to “affirm and believe” that “adultery, masturbation, fornication, the viewing of pornography and homosexual relations are gravely evil.”

And his hand- picked pastor for Star of the Sea parish, the Rev. Joseph Illo, courted controversy by announcing that girls would no longer be allowed to serve as altar servers, and followed that up with some blog posts that said if parishioners left because of his policies, it was “a necessary purging.”

And how has that worked

And how has that worked out? Well, when this year’s March for Marriage rolled around, it turned out Cordileone had other pressing matters to attend to and took a pass. The teacher handbook hasn’t been changed, and now the San Francisco Archdiocesan Federation of Teachers ( with connections to the AFL- CIO) is involved, so this has turned into a labor relations matter, which — just a piece of advice — may get messy.

As Paul Hance, a teacher at Junipero Serra High School in San Mateo and American Federation of Teachers Local 2240 union representative says, “We will not surrender our employment rights that are protected by state and federal law.”

Meanwhile, Illo, who previously said he thought “it’s great that we are getting all the media attention,” issued a formal apology for his remarks.

So, overall, I wouldn’t say it has been a rousing success.

Cheap shot

Cordileone’s supporters seem to sense that and have begun to make unfortunate personal attacks. Cahill, a practicing Catholic, has been the target of some especially unpleasant shots.

Anne Hendershott, a professor at Franciscan University of Steubenville, Ohio, a conservative Catholic university with a history of antigay rhetoric, wrote a piece in the National Review that was frankly offensive.

It is understandable, she said, that Cahill wants the church to accept homosexuality. After all, she wrote, “He loves his gay son and wants the best for him. Having lost his other son, John Francis Cahill, to a tragic suicide in 2008, he likely has made a commitment to removing any barriers to happiness for his son.”

Understand, she doesn’t know Cahill or his family, but that doesn’t stop her from this hurtful cheap shot.

“I’m fine with criticism at what I did at Catholic Charities and my son being gay,” Cahill said this week. “But I thought that kind of crossed over the line. It doesn’t have to be that way.”

That’s true. As several San Franciscans have pointed out, this is not the first time the LGBT community — and the city — have been at odds with the church.

In 1997, then- Archbishop William Levada faced a tough issue. The city had passed a domestic partners law that required employers to provide insurance to same- sex couples — including employees of the church’s Catholic Charities.

Reaching compromise

If Levada had dug in his ideological heels, it could have blown up into a national controversy. Instead, he met with city leaders and came up with a compromise.

He didn’t approve of samesex couples, he said, but he would sign something that allowed employees to cover any “legally domiciled member” of their household. It was a version of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” and it averted a political- religious showdown.

But conventional wisdom is that Cordileone wants a showdown. The backstory is that he was appointed by Cardinal Raymond Burke, a notorious anti- LGBT activist who once advised church members not to invite their gay sons and partners home for Christmas because what would it say “to have present at a family gathering a family member who is living in a disordered relationship with another person?”

That’s apparently Cordileone’s text. Far better if he’d reread the Second Vatican Council’s decree on the office of bishops, from October 1965.

It said: “The church has to be on speaking terms with the human society in which it lives.”

C. W. Nevius is a San Francisco Chronicle columnist. His columns appear Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. E- mail: cwnevius@ sfchronicle. com Twitter: @ cwnevius