Relative’s gift choices are unwanted and annoying to her grandmother

Dear Abby: I’m a 77-year-old woman with a 27-year-old granddaughter who loves electronic gadgets and toys. She’s comfortable financially and often buys expensive gifts for me. While I appreciate her generosity and her desire to make my life “easier and more fun,” I simply am NOT INTERESTED.

I find these devices more frustrating than enjoyable. I don’t NEED anything, and I don’t WANT anything. I have asked her repeatedly to please not spend her money on me, but it falls on deaf ears. Perhaps if you print this, she might realize how difficult it sometimes is for us older folks to use these gadgets. How can I get my point across?

— Good Intentions

Dear Good Intentions:

Tell your granddaughter you love her and appreciate her generosity, but electronic gadgets are not enjoyable for you, and you wish she would stop giving them to you. If she asks what you might like, explain (again) that you do not need anything but would instead like to spend time or go to an event with her.

Dear Abby: After spending hours preparing a meal, is it appropriate for your guest to cover the food on their plate with salt and pepper without first tasting it? Beyond being inappropriate, isn’t it just plain rude? Should I say something?

— In A State In The

Garden State

Dear In A State: The next time a guest reflexively gestures toward the saltshaker without having taken a bite of your food, you would be within your rights to ask WHY.

If you are truly offended by this, no rule of etiquette decrees that you must invite the person again. (I also know of no rule of etiquette that states a host MUST put salt and pepper on the table.) If a friendship is a warm one, I’m inclined to allow my guests to do whatever makes them comfortable, appreciate them for who they are and let something like this go.