Grieving spouse searches for help
Dear Amy: You often refer people to seek counseling. I believe in counseling and as a teacher, I often suggested that path for families facing challenges.
Now, I find myself in need of counseling. My husband of almost 50 years passed away last year and the grief is crushing. I tried a grief group, but the other people there made me even more sad. I stuck with it, but the group was canceled due to COVID-19.
I found a counselor who could see me, but she spent a lot of time talking about her divorce and offered very little in the way of advice for me.
I have been trying to find someone who will accept my insurance, but many counselors have lessened their load due to COVID (even though I can see my dentist and doctor, therapists don’t want to meet in person).
Even though I have read every book on the subject, I truly feel the need to confide in someone with whom I have no history.
With all that is in the news about people who need help, finding it should be easier and affordable.
I want you to know that suggesting counseling often presents hurdles that people in need just can’t face, and so they give up.
— Still Searching and Hoping
Dear Searching: I am so sorry that you are experiencing these challenges, especially because you are working so hard to find help.
First this: NO therapist should discuss her own personal life with you, even if it is to discuss a relatable experience. That is a red flag. Your time in therapy should be completely devoted to you.
I can also imagine the challenge of meeting with a grief group when all of the other participants are also grieving. The most effective groups are guided on a path through raw emotion and toward mutual support and comfort.
If you are willing to speak with a counselor through video conferencing, it would expand your options.
Video therapy has exploded during the pandemic, and there are many commercial therapy services that run on a subscription model. For a weekly fee, you have daily access to a therapist through text and video conferencing.Thoroughly research the terms before trying this.
There are also many online forums devoted to grief and grieving. After reviewing several, I would recommend griefhealingdiscussiongroups. com. This is a free site where online discussions on its many message boards are monitored by grief counselors. This might be your lifeline while you continue to look for a therapist.