Formerly chubby hubby seems too unhappy
Dear Amy: My husband has been significantly overweight most of his life. He recently lost more than 60 pounds on a very strict diet.
He’s much healthier now, and I’m extremely proud of him and his dedication to a new lifestyle.
However, when he was overweight he was generally relaxed, fun and easy-going. Now, after the weight loss, he generally seems miserable. I’m not the only person to have noticed this change.
A few days ago a good friend told me that my husband is “the most miserable skinny person,” he’s ever known.
I’ve tried to talk with him multiple times, both to let him know how proud I am of him for this accomplishment, and to try to understand why he seems so unhappy despite achieving the goal he set for himself. The most I’ve been able to get from him is that now that he’s lost the weight he’s embarrassed about how overweight he was.
Amy, I loved my husband when he was overweight and I love him now, but after almost six months of dealing with his negativity, criticism and a much shorter temper than usual, I’m not sure how to help without sounding like I’m trying to derail his health plans.
I think much of his negativity stems from hunger and having to deny himself his favorite foods. I want him to maintain his health, but I don’t want him to have to choose health at the expense of happiness.
Any thoughts on how I can help us through this challenge? — Missing my Chubby Hubby
Dear Missing: An often-unanticipated reaction to significant weight loss is that it tends to throw other things off-kilter.
Yes, you miss your chubby hubby. That guy seems to have disappeared. The person who has emerged sounds depressed. I think it’s possible that your husband was “self-medicating” some underlying issues through overeating. Now that he doesn’t have this crutch, these issues have surfaced.
He has taken charge of his physical health. Now he needs to concentrate on his mental health. A few sessions with a professional counselor who specializes in working with men could help him to put his choices, changes and challenges into perspective.