Grieving partner wrestles with loss and uncertainty

Dear Abby: We were a male couple in our 70s, together for 21 years, before my husband, “Charles,” died of COPD. For four years, I watched his health and quality of life decline until he finally chose hospice. In less than 24 hours, he was gone.

He chose his way out, and for his sake, I’m thankful, but I’m feeling incredible pain. Each person grieves in their own way, and my friends and family have been amazing. I know Charles would want me to live my best life, and to honor him, which is exactly what I plan to do. The amount of paperwork is suffocating, but we are getting through it.

During this time, I had expected to lean on our dog for comfort, but now he also will be taken from me. The vet diagnosed him with cancer, and he has four months to live. I’m numb and feel like a stranger in my own body. I know I’m strong enough to grieve them both, but at the same time, I am scared to death of being single again (note I didn’t say alone, because I am not).

— Totally Lost Right Now

Dear Totally Lost: I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. That your dog you were depending upon is now terminally ill has only added to your pain. It’s understandable that you feel numb. You will work your way through this. The passage of time helps.

That you are not alone now is a blessing. Be glad you have the estate to settle because it will help you stay busy and, for short periods of time, will keep you focused on something other than the ache you are feeling. Do not jump into a new romance because you are afraid of being single! You will make your way through this by being patient with yourself and allowing your friends to step up until you are strong enough to stand by yourself. If you need extra support, ask your doctor to refer you to a grief support group.

Dear Abby: My fiancee and I are about to get married in another state. I have lived in multiple states over the years and have friends and family in some of them. Some of these people aren’t able to attend the wedding. We understand their reasons and have offered a livestream.

We are now getting a lot of pressure to host wedding receptions in other states. We have no desire to have additional wedding receptions with all the planning and expense that goes along with them. What’s a polite way to respond to these friends and family members? — Not Interested In Florida

Dear Not Interested: Thank these people for the suggestion and explain that although it’s a nice idea, it isn’t within your budget. That’s the truth. Then encourage them to visit when time permits.

To My Muslim Readers: At sundown, it is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone.

— Love, Abby

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit www.DearAbby.com