CHANGING YOUR TUNES
Not even virus can throw annual Vac carols off key
AH, SO maybe you thought 2020 would claim as its latest victim The Post’s annual throat-clearing and room-emptying versions of holiday standards. Not a chance! Here we go, back for another round — the 16th annual!
“You’re a Bad Coach, Mr. Gase”
(Sung to “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”) You’re a bad coach, Mr. Gase You haven’t got a clue You’re as clever as a desk lamp As smart as Elmer’s Glue, Mr. Gase … You’re historic, Mr. Gase. The worst Jets coach we know! That list includes Rich Kotite Bruce Coslet and Al Groh, Mr. Gase … You’re a foul one, Mr. Gase. As Jets fans agonize Your game plans are comedic And what is with the eyes, Mr. Gase? You’re a vile one, Mr. Gase. In coaching school you’d flunk You’re team’s a winless tire fire Malodorous as a skunk, Mr. Gase [Spoken] The three words that best describe you Are as follows, and I quote: “Stink! Stank! Stunk!” You’re a genius, Mr. Gase. Or so your boss has said But he’s as bad as you are It’s on to the woodshed, Mr. Gase …
“It’s a Most Curious Time of the Year”
(Sung to “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)
It’s a most curious time of the year While the Jets are free-falling The Knicks are appalling The Yankees austere! It’s a most curious time of the year It’s the cray-craziest season of all After much quarantining And sports intervening (And some alcohol) It’s the cray-craziest season of all … There’s Mets money for spending The Nets are ascending The Islanders back in The Barn There’s LeMahieu pursuing And Zoom interviewing And soon vaccines in every arm It’s the most curious time of the year It’s nine months with the virus We all are desirous
Of life without fear (or more beer!)
It’s the most curious time … of … the … year
“They’re Beginning to Look a Lot Like Giants”
(Sung to “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”)
They’re beginning to look a lot like Giants
Defense rules the day
They made Wilson look like a punk
And Carson look like a drunk
And turned the Bengals into disarray
They’re beginning to look a lot like Giants
Ground and pound the rock
Give the football to Morris and Wayne
And let them distribute pain
Andchewup... the ... clock
A pair of healthier wheels From their knees to their heels Is the wish of Saquon and Dan A line that can block And a will made of rock Makes Joe Judge a happy young man. (And still looming large and still taking charge Is the boss, named Dave Gettleman!) They’re beginning to look a lot like Giants Mara, Tisch take heart They don’t play with very much grace But they dabbled in first place And that’s quite … a … start ... (Unlike their counterparts)
“Will you Recognize the Mets at All?” (Sung to “Do They Know it’s Christmas?”) It’s Cohen time …
There’s no need to underpay. In Cohen time You spend like sailors on holiday And ask the cognoscenti If there’s a brand-new point of view
Throw some cash at James McCann And Springer too! Now write a check Pay out of petty cash. At Citi Field The ATM next to Arthur Ashe There’s a new boss in the office He has gazillions in his hands And the ones who smile the broadest Are the millions in the stands (Well ... someday!) And the Wilpons have been ousted They’ll no longer be tone deaf. WELL TONIGHT THANK GOD IT’S STEVE INSTEAD OF JEFF …! They won’t disappoint at Willets Point In Cohen time They’ll act like it’s New York Not Carolin’ They’ll light cigars with fifties And have butlers in the hall Will you recognize the Mets at all? Here’s to you (A-Rod came in second place) Here’s to them (Solid gold for second base) Will you recognize the Mets at all?