Grandparents try to guilt family into visiting ... without their new dog

Dear Carolyn: My kids have been asking for a dog for several years and we inally got a family puppy. We love this dog more than we ever expected!

Unfortunately, we live about 600 miles from my parents who want nothing to do with dogs. They do, however, want to spend time with us and often complain that we don’t visit enough. They don’t want to house our dog, but we can’t afford a hotel room or a kennel for all the trips they want us to make.

We can’t seem to come to an agreement. I say they shouldn’t try to guilt us. They feel we should have never gotten a dog knowing they live so far away and can’t stand dogs. What do you think?

— A Dog Convert

I think what’s truly unfortunate is that your parents think your household is about them. Wow.

It’s also unfortunate they have you thinking theirs is a normal set of expectations that you’re obliged to ind ways to address.

There is no “agreement” here to “come to,” because your parents don’t have any say in how you run your own household.

They also don’t have any say in how often you travel to see them, except to let you know whether and for how long you are welcome. And to limit guests to human-only, which is totally their prerogative.

If they really do want to see you, and if they’re unwilling or unable to do the bulk of the traveling themselves, then they have incentives available to them that aren’t attempts to micromanage you. They could offer you kennel money, for example, or to pay for a hotel for visits both ways. They could just trust you to do your best to come see them. They could be such pleasant company that you stretch yourselves inancially to travel whenever you can.

Apparently, instead, they skipped the irst page in the Unwritten Manual of Hospitality, which notes in 72-point type that if you want to see people, then don’t complain about them, with any frequency that can be described as “often.”

My advice to you is as follows:

(1) Stop arguing with people about things that aren’t their business.

(2) Actually that’s it. See No. 1.