Mother gives gamer boyfriend low score

Dear Abby: My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for four years. Despite being almost 30, he is constantly distracted by his phone or his video games.

He travels with his PlayStation everywhere. When he comes into our house, he sets up his console in the living room, puts on headphones and plays games all day and night. If the family asks to use the TV for a few hours, he will sit on the sofa and take a nap or pull out his phone.

I know no more about him than I did the month I met him. He is rude, boorish, self-centered and has a criminal record (drugs). They live in another state, and for my daughter’s sake, I try to accommodate him. When I asked for them to “visit us, not our TV,” she became defensive.

Is this the new norm? When they went to visit his family, he took the system to their house for the threehour visit.

My daughter now wants to bring him along while we have our mother/daughter lunch and manicures. He has no friends. When she goes out with her girlfriends, we are expected to “baby-sit.” Please advise me. — Done Mothering In Pennsylvania

Dear Done: I’ll try, but first you will have to admit your part in creating this problem. You have to learn to say no. If you want to watch television during their visit, remember it’s your home. If you want a mother/daughter lunch and manicures, and she wants to drag him along, say, “No, this is our mother/daughter time. An hour or so alone with you is not too much to ask.”

The solution is to stop allowing your daughter — and her socially inadequate boyfriend — to dictate what’s happening in your life.

Dear Abby: I have a niece and nephew who will be graduating at the same time. My nephew is getting a degree from a four-year college. My niece is getting a beautician’s license from a high school/trade school. She has no plans to attend college.

I will be giving them both graduation gifts, but should the amount be based on their level of education or the fact that they have both completed their educations?

I don’t want my niece to feel slighted. She chose a profession she loves but does not require further education. I also don’t want my nephew to feel slighted because he worked longer at far greater expense. — Unsure In The East

Dear Unsure: If you are worried that your niece and nephew will compare your gifts, give each the same amount. What these gifts memorialize is that they have both attained the level of education for which they were working.