Are you ready?

Not for the Big One. Let San Francisco and Los Angeles worry about earthquakes. We have them daily especially around the seismic Salton Sea.

I’m referring to the HOLIDAYS! Why do they come so fast and pass so quickly? Because, when you think about it, the holidays, starting with Halloween, are here and gone in two months. It doesn’t seem possible, yet, there are only 61 days between Halloween and New Year’s Day.

I propose that we spread them out so it wouldn’t just be “Christmas in July,” which is an attempt at hot summer humor. Christmas would be in July, say around the 25th. It’s a familiar date. All of the 4th of July stuff would be put away by then. Any burned fingers from lighting sparklers should be healed. The kids are out of school so we could put them to work decorating the tree. On second thought, buy them a new video game and keep them away from the tree. I haven’t solved the issue of having fresh cut firs and pines or living trees for sale at the stores. Just don’t want to give into the artificial trend. Maybe I could decorate a citrus tree. For those of you who have plastic trees stored away, no problem. You are ready to decorate.

But what about tradition, you ask? I don’t see why Currier and Ives should dictate Christmas here in the desert. It’s not going to snow in December in Calipatria, anyway. You’ll never wear all those warm winter clothes for sale at a local big box store. I laugh when I walk down the aisles chock full of fleece lined jackets and sweaters. No way even during our coolest 60 degree days. It will be hotter going to church on July 25th making midnight services more popular than ever. At that same big box store, the Halloween witches are battling it out with the Christmas elves for your attention. It’s a mini Wagnerian opera.

Moving Christmas to July would also free us up from Christmas shopping and decorating when we can finally enjoy the outdoors. It’s gardening time in the Valley. Yet, I was just shopping for lettuce seeds at a local store, and all I found were Christmas decorations on the very same aisle that was recently stocked with gardening supplies. Someone at corporate headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas decides what and when we’ll buy not, apparently, based on our local seasons. I have more Christmas decorations than Rockefeller Center in New York City so I’m not buying anymore.

I do need vegetable seeds, large pumpkins, and some hiking supplies to round out the fall. And I do look forward to Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday for these reasons: we get to eat turkey and fresh cranberry sauce with family and friends, and there is no gift giving. We simply give thanks.

I used to think that Black Friday was the name of a horror film. Then I was corrected. But now I’m back to thinking it is a horror film of sorts as is our national obsession with feeling compelled to buy too many gifts. Ah, the power of advertising.

With Christmas moved to July, during the next few beautiful months we can focus on the football season and what to wear for that New Year’s Eve party. It works out well.

Now, where is that lettuce seed?