Mom would like a little credit for raising wonderful daughter

I am the happy mother of an absolutely delightful young woman who is currently in college. Everyone finds her charming, and I must say, I privately thrill at the compliments she often receives, as I raised her nearly entirely on my own. (My husband always worked long hours, and I stayed home and then worked in my daughter’s schools.) I do claim much of the credit for her sweet disposition — in my own mind, not obnoxiously or out loud.

My mother-in-law, who has never treated me with any amount of kindness, has taken to stating in mixed company that my husband’s cousin was “like a second mother” to my daughter and “helped raise her.” She says this every time this cousin is around.

I have no clue why the cousin would let this statement go; she knows, as do my husband and I, that she had nothing to do with our daughter’s upbringing. She merely babysat twice, maybe thrice, before we moved to a different state when our daughter was 3 years old. (My mother-in-law lived eight states away, had less than nothing to do with my daughter’s upbringing and had no knowledge whatsoever of the goings-on in our household.)

I know I shouldn’t let this bother me, but it just makes my skin crawl. It was no small task to raise such a lovely young lady, and I took this work very seriously. Is there anything I can say in response to this farcical statement that wouldn’t make me look like an ogre?

Gentle Reader:

“Yes, Cousin Melba was generous enough to babysit Georgia when she was little and we lived nearby. Fifteen years later, we still feel in her debt.”

Gentle Reader:

It would indeed be drastic, if impressive, that you would go to those lengths to save your husband’s cousin’s wife’s feelings.

In lieu of such measures, Miss Manners suggests that you find an excuse to write out your name in full. Or select a small child in the family whom you can helpfully — and publicly — instruct to do it for you.

Dear Miss Manners:

Two years ago, my son was invited to his cousin’s wedding across the country. (This cousin is my ex-wife’s niece.) He never received a thank-you card for the wedding gift or for attending.

My ex-wife contacted me recently, requesting that I advise our son to send a thankyou card to his cousin for inviting him to the wedding. Apparently my son brushed off the idea when she suggested it to him directly.

I’ve never heard of sending a thank-you note for a wedding invitation, unless you’re not attending (e.g., “Thank you for the invitation, but unfortunately I cannot attend”). Your thoughts?

Gentle Reader:

That a thank-you letter is indeed owed — to your son, not from him.

While kind of the family to invite him, a thank-you letter for doing so — especially two years after the fact — seems only to serve the purpose of rubbing it in that the couple was doing your son a favor.

Letters of thanks are generally reserved for dinner parties, job interviews, state appointments, extraordinary favors and, of course, presents. Miss Manners proposes that you tell your ex-wife that your son similarly brushed off the suggestion — but that you hope the bridal couple’s wedding present from him did not get lost in the mail, lo those two years ago.

Dear Miss Manners:

I am starting to get a bit annoyed with a fellow parent of my daughter’s basketball team. This gentleman is constantly talking to no one in particular. It may seem like he is cheering, but it is actually driving some of us over the edge.

This habit of his probably comes from his enthusiasm for the game, but how can I gently ask him to stop the constant chatter?

Gentle Reader:

By saying, “What? I’m sorry. Are you talking to me?” enough times that it becomes too tiresome for him to continue.