Hideous handbag need not cause family relationship rift
Dear Miss Manners: My daughter-in-law bought me a designer purse for Christmas. I really do not like it and will never use it. It is not anything close to my style, and I know she paid a great amount of money for it. How can I get rid of this thing without hurting her feelings? I would be ill myself trying to use this monstrosity.
Gentle reader: How often do you see your daughterin-law? And how will you dispose of the bag when you decide, as you are on the verge of doing, that the pain of wearing it is stronger than any pain you might cause her?
Miss Manners would like to spare both of you. The only sacrifice she asks is that you keep it for a while, although that would preclude returning it to the store. This is so that if your daughter-in-law mentions it, you can produce it and say that you are saving it for a special occasion. That the occasion is enough time having passed for you to sell it or give it away need not be mentioned.
Dear Miss Manners: I’ve drifted apart from a longtime friend. She is recently divorced and has a new boyfriend and, unfortunately, we have very little in common at the moment.
Although we share a “friend group,” my husband and I have been left off of recent group invitations for events such as concerts and dinners. I’m actually OK with this.
Now we have received an invitation to a graduation party for her child. This feels selective in terms of the expectation of gifts versus just having fun. Is it rude not to attend?
Gentle reader: You are free to accept or decline as your inclination and your schedule permit, without fear of being rude. But if you now assume that an invitation from her can only be motivated by greed, the friendship is indeed over.
In your position, Miss Manners would have taken the invitation to mean that while the friendship is more distant, your friend still wished to include you in important life events.
Dear Miss Manners:
During my 25-year marriage, my husband’s brother and his wife have looked down their noses at me and treated me horribly. My husband acknowledges this; however, he continues to interact with them, stating that he does not want to end his relationship with his only sibling.
Now we have retired and moved to another state. My husband has extended an invitation to see our new home, and they are planning a visit.
I refuse to have them in my home, period. My husband refuses to tell them my feelings and does not want me to make the call. I want to be gone when they come to my home. Is this the best way to handle the unwanted houseguests?
Gentle reader: Sympathetic as she is to your predicament, Miss Manners cannot condone the contemplated rudeness of uninviting your in-laws or being absent when they arrive. Your husband needs to talk to his brother. Either the in-laws will promise to mend their ways (in which case, you must give them a chance to do so), or they will be insulted and
refuse to visit.
Dear Miss Manners:
Would you mind telling me why women and children loudly say “mwah” when they kiss a person on the cheek? It is only done in this country and is a relatively new custom. Also, since when do men insist on kissing women on the cheek instead of shaking their hand?
Gentle reader: Cheek kissing itself, as an ordinary greeting, is relatively new in the U.S., and not limited to males. If anything, they do less, as they tend not to kiss one another. And the rule, which nobody remembers, is that ladies are supposed to initiate the form of greeting, so it is their choice.
Back to the soundtrack: As this sound is made with the mouth open, it cannot be managed while the lips are planted on a cheek. Therefore, it goes with the so-called air-kiss, delivered just beside the face, rather than on it. To Miss Manners’ mind, that is a good substitute for the touchkiss that not everyone welcomes.
Dear Miss Manners: Is it traditional for the future bride to pick her friends as bridesmaids, or can the future groom suggest a family member?
Gentle reader: Traditionally, it is the bride’s choice. But while it may not be traditional for her to take into consideration the bridegroom’s wishes, Miss Manners considers it a really good idea.