Husband lashes out amid criticism

Dear Abby: My husband rarely says “thank you” and almost never apologizes for anything. The other day, I was at an office party to which family members were not invited. I brought home a plate of food for my husband, for which he refused to thank me when I hinted that a “thanks” might be nice, especially since it was dinnertime.

The office “lunch” had been hours ago, and I had brought nothing for myself. He said because I hadn’t come home when I said I would, he didn’t feel the need to thank me. When I told him it’s common courtesy to thank people, he continued arguing and eventually threw the plate of food across the room. Now he won’t apologize for that either. He feels he was justified in throwing the food.

He usually walks fast and ahead of me when we’re going places. He never says, “You look nice,” and he leaves the house without mentioning where he is going. It doesn’t concern him that it upsets me. Advice, please.

Never Thanked In New

Jersey

Dear Never Thanked:

What you have described in detail is not new behavior. I would question your judgment for having tolerated his disrespectful behavior for the length of time you have because he has shown you repeatedly that your feelings are of little consequence to him.

Dear Abby: My sister lost her husband a year ago. She has three grown children, but she has a fractured relationship with her 30-year-old daughter.

My niece was close to her father and has thrown in my sister’s face that he was her person and she told him everything. My niece and I have a good relationship, and she confides to me things she does not speak to her mother about.

I am debating whether to speak to my niece to get a sense of what her issue with my sister really is. My niece blames her mother for everything. I’m not sure if trying to help will backfire.

Please help.

Involved Aunt In Connecticut

Dear Aunt: I am sure you mean well, but I don’t think it would be helpful to insert yourself as a mediator between your sister and your niece.

Unless you want to alienate your niece, let the two of them work it out.