Partner shows true colors after cancer diagnosis
Dear Abby: I need your opinion. I have been with the same guy for 27 years. We nevermarried because we were bothmarried before, and I wasn’t into doing it again. I have stuck by him through sickness, hard times and whatever else.
Fourmonths ago I was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. I stopped by his house this week to pick up a rug scrubber and walked in on him having sex with some woman. I feel hurt, angry, mad, sad. It’s like, WHY? Do you think he has been doing this and he just got caught or what?
I didn’t say anything. I just left. He calledme later and said itwas over between us because I’msick and “can’t do anything.” I’m in shock. I don’t know what to think. I have always been there for him. So why, now that I’msick and I need him themost, has he turned his back onme? — Blindsided in Ohio
Dear Blindsided: I am so, so sorry that you had to find out this way — when the chips are down — that theman you have been involved with for 27 years isn’t much of aman after all. I DO think he has been doing this all these years.
Now it is time tomarshal your friends and family and let them know what’s going on. If you have been a caring and supportive friend or relative, they should be supportive during this challenging time. The American Cancer Society has support groups for people with cancer if you need someone to talk to. Its website is cancer.org. Please know you are inmy thoughts and prayers for both a spiritual and physical recovery.
Dear Abby: My family is getting torn apart by my older brother’s issue with me. It has become worse over the years, even after hismarriage.
He seems to be upset with howmy life is progressing, and to upsetme, he has been copying everything I do. He got engaged andmarried around the same time I did. He also got a dog right after I did, bought a car right afterme and decided he wanted to start a family as soon asmy wife and I announced we are having a baby.
My parents constantly make excuses about why his actions are justified. I no longer know what to do. I tried to reconcile with him, but he rebuffed me and says he hates me. It has reached the point that I don’t want to be around any ofmy family anymore because they defend himon everything, despite the facts. What should I do? I seemto be the only person trying to reconcile the relationship and fix/reunitemy family. — Sad Sibling in New Jersey
Dear Sibling: I find it hard to believe that your family would side with a sibling who declares he “hates” his brother and refuses attempts to reconcile. It’s important for your mental health that you separate emotionally fromyour brother. By that Imean dial back the resentment, live your life with your wife and child and stop obsessing about what your brother does. That he literally follows in your footsteps shows he either admires the choices youmake, or that he has no imagination of his own. Neither of these should be a problem for YOU.