Mother’s Day

“I’ve seen people disrespect and take advantage of their mothers, and that really concerns me,” she says. “One acquaintance didn’t have control of her unruly sons when they were children, and that carried on to their adulthood. And I’ve known other mothers who treated their daughters as their girlfriends. That doesn’t work either. You are the ‘mother,’ not her best friend. You must set rules and limitations with your children.”

Mothers who work face barriers and judgment

Working mothers especially have difficult challenges. For many, a job or career is necessary to care for their children and contribute to the family’s finances.

Yet, working mothers are sometimes chided by stay-at-home moms, at times due to envy. Such negative comments feed into the guilt that many working mothers experience for not being with their young children. Sometimes that guilt is emotionally debilitating.

Some working mothers feel like failures because they are away from their children; they feel guilty when their careers take priority. And there is always the pressure to balance work and still be what some consider a “perfect” mom. There is no such thing.

Most working mothers face challenges and struggles, including finding a balance between family and work, fighting off the guilt, struggling to find quality childcare that is affordable, and coping with emotional demands coming from the job and from home.

According to one report, working mothers experience greater levels of anxiety and depression compared to working fathers.

Nearly half of mothers are seeking therapy, and 58% report they are mainly responsible for the household and caring for children, in addition to their jobs.

Yet, they should keep in mind that according to a Harvard University study, there are benefits for both girls and boys who have a working mother, and many of these benefits accompany them into adulthood. According to the study, adults who had working mothers reported being just as happy as adults who had stay-at-home mothers.

Mother who are face domestic violence try to protect their children

And then there are the mothers who are challenged as victims of domestic violence, which is a common problem in this country. It is estimated that 10 million people are affected by domestic/family violence each year, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

This includes economic, physical, sexual, emotional and psychological abuse of children, adults and elders. It worsens psychological and physical health and decreases quality of life and productivity. And, yes, some women and mothers die because of it.

Mothers are especially affected by domestic violence because their children are negatively impacted as well. Though some mothers try to hide such abuse from offspring, children usually know when something is wrong with mommy.

Many mothers stay in abusive relationships thinking they can protect their children from the abuser. And the abuser is often abusive in front of children. In addition, the abusive partner uses the children as a threat, saying they will hurt the children, will take the children away from the mother, and even being as cruel as withholding money to feed the children.

Mothers are needed, but they also require support

Yes, motherhood is full of challenges.

Consider the mother that raised her children, including an adopted daughter, and then had to raise the adopted daughter’s two children. The resilient mother said she did it out of love and concern for the grandchildren. Now that her grandchildren are young adults, one in college, she should be lauded for a job well done. In our communities, grandmothers rearing grandchildren is more common than it should be.

Then there is the mother who moved out of state at her daughter’s insistence to help raise her son and pay the mortgage. When the daughter’s son entered college and her finances improved, the daughter asked her mother to vacate the premises. This situation even hurt my heart.

How about the Memphis mother who was living with her son’s family when her grandson’s “friend” stopped by looking for the grandson. The “friend” ended up shooting and killing the grandmother and injuring the friend’s mother and sister.

This Mother’s Day, give praise and thanks to your mother and other mothers in your life. Be thankful for their love and hard work over the years as they made sacrifices to care for their children and guide them to adulthood.

Mothers need support from their children, family, extended family and from our society in general.

Lynn Norment, a columnist for The Commercial Appeal, is a former editor for Ebony Magazine.