A man finds his true self

them wanted children, but they settled into a “normal suburban lifestyle.” Except that Ethan was still having anonymous sex with men.

After they’d been married two years, they were at a Christmas party.

Darva was talking to a man who asked her who Ethan was. She said, “My husband.” The man said, “I had sex with him.”

“The cat was out of the bag. I hadn’t kept my vow of celibacy.”

Before they divorced, Darva told Ethan’s family he was gay. “It was the best thing she could have done. I couldn’t have said it. If she hadn’t have told them, I might have been like the guy my friend Liza is dating.”

Until that time, Ethan had never been in a gay bar. Now that he was out, it was time to go. “There I was in the parking lot, terror-stricken. I had no idea what went on in there. I thought I might be walking into Sodom and Gomorrah. I steeled myself. Actually, it was boring. A jukebox and some guys shooting pool.”

But he did meet a man and had his first sexual experience with his eyes open. “I was able to breathe for the first time. It was the first time I wasn’t afraid.”

Since then, Ethan has led an openly gay life.

A lot has changed for gays since he was a boy. There’s more awareness about homosexuality. It’s hard to believe a young man today wouldn’t truly know he was gay until he was in his 30s.

One of the biggest changes is the fact that in 10 states, gays and lesbians can marry.

“If all of society allowed gay men and women the right to marry, we wouldn’t be dating and marrying men and women as a way to fit in. Marriage legitimizes who I am. It says I’m normal. Right now, unless you live