How to protect children from cyberbullies
I often write about online issues, sharing personal information, identity theft, and the like. However, looking back over the years, I think I’ve failed to focus on these topics with relation to kids – often the most vulnerable of all. While many subjects abound, perhaps the two most common problems and those experienced by many children and teens (probably because most youngsters have access to a computer and, certainly, a smartphone) concern cyberbullying and mobile phones.
Cyberbullying is harassment that happens online in a variety of ways: email, text message, game, or on a social networking site. At its worse, cyberbullying involves spreading rumors or images posted on someone’s profile or passed around for others to see – in other words, creating a group or page to make a person feel left out. Because our young people are so vulnerable and unsure of their self-images, it’s imperative that parents do everything possible to help prevent this online victimization. Accord
ing to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), we adults should:
› Talk to our kids
about bullying. Be clear that they can’t hide behind the words they type and the images they post. Bullying is a loselose situation and, in fact, has become illegal in many jurisdictions, in part because it can lead to the victim hurting himself or herself – even to the point of suicide. In my many years in the classroom, I’ve noticed first-hand the damage bullying can do and cyberbullying is often much more pervasive, simply because it’s often anonymous. Ask your kids to let you know if an online message or image makes them feel threatened or hurt and contact the police immediately if you think your child’s safety may be in jeopardy. Don’t be afraid to check your child’s pages, emails, etc. every so often.
› Recognize the signs of a cyberbully. Maybe your kid is the bully and hurting others, either emotionally or physically. Look for signs of intimidation, such as creating mean images of another kid. Perhaps the best way to help little Janie or Johnny maintain civility is to model it ourselves. If you don’t think you’re a model for your children, I’ve got a bridge in London to sell you! I’ll never forget a long-ago friend who had a pretty trashy mouth and didn’t necessarily contain herself around her toddler. One day, her grandparents were babysitting little Annabeth who wasn’t in the best of moods. Imagine Granny’s horror (and, subsequently, the child’s mother’s) when Annabeth came out with the “S” word – you know, the one about “Up S*#t Creek without a paddle” … All of us need to be more careful what crawls out of our mouths because our kids will make the most of imitation.
› Help stop cyberbullying. Even though most kids are innocent, they may observe others bullying, cyber or otherwise. Encourage Janie to tell the bully to stop, as well as to delete messages or images and intercede on behalf of the victim, friend or not. Another way to help stop this online harassment is to report what’s going on to the site or network where you see it.
› What to do About a cyberbully. Let’s say, your own child is the target of a cyberbully. Remind him or her that most people realize bullying is wrong. Encourage Little Johnny to work with you to save the evidence and y’all discuss it. If the bullying persists, share the record with school officials or local law enforcement.
› Protect our child’s profile. If your child finds a profile that was created or altered without permission, contact the site to have it removed ASAP.
› Block or delete the bully. If the bullying involves instant messaging or another online service that requires a “friend” or “buddy” list, delete the bully from the lists and, further, block the abuser’s user name or email address.
How many times do we observe children – and small ones at that – using cell phones? While I’m all for a safety resource, as an educator I’m not in favor of carte blanche for the internet and wholesale usage of conversation/texting time. While parents should decide when a child should possess a mobile phone, the following still should be considered: age, personality, and maturity, and the family’s circumstances. (For example, most schools don’t allow widespread use during the school day but the temptation to exploit this rule can mean your child isn’t responsible enough to follow rules set by you and the school.)
When you decide your children are ready for a mobile phone, please teach them to think about safety and responsibility.
› Phones, Features, and Options. Depending upon the child’s age and maturity, decide on options and features. Privacy settings and child safety controls are most important features and, in fact, most carriers allow parents to turn off features, like web access, texting, or downloading. If concerned about what they might find online, select a phone with limited internet access.
› Get familiar with social mapping. GPS technology installed means you know where your kids are as do they and their friends, too. Caution Janie to use these features only with friends she knows and trusts.
› Develop Cell Phone Rules. When and where should they use their cell phones? Establish rules for responsible use. Do you allow calls or texting at the dinner table or phone use at night? What about while they’re doing homework, or when they’re supposed to be sleeping?
Don’t stand for mobile bullying and use care when sharing photos and videos. (See Cyberbullying.)
Much other safety advice exists for children and teens’ computer and cell phone use. Hopefully, today’s tips are enough to encourage parent-child discussion and risk-free habits to keep our children safe and sound in today’s scary world.
› Tax Tip: As folks prepare their own returns, be aware the following tax options are no longer available: alimony deduction, personal exemption, casualty and theft losses (not including cases of natural disasters), employee job expenses (excluding military members’ moving expenses), tax preparation fees, and tuition and fees deductions.