Brady enters Twilight Zone
GOAT finds grass isn’t any greener in Tompa Bay
The Tampa Bay area is a nice place to visit.
Nearly perfect weather smothers the region eight months a year. Great beaches in nearby Pinellas County draw millions of visitors annually. The Tampa/St. Pete market features a hockey team one victory away from reaching the Stanley Cup Finals. It has a baseball team poised to make a deep run in the AL playoffs.
Even fans were optional before the pandemic.
Theme-park lovers know Busch Gardens and its adjacent Adventure Island allow you to avoid a miserable round-trip on Interstate 4 to Disney World. The Tampa Bay metro area features a fantastic zoo and terrific aquarium. One local adult establishment boasts that it invented the “lap dance.” Not that I would know. There is truly entertainment available for all ages.
Tampa Bay: “A Nice Place to Visit” indeed.
“A Nice Place to Visit” was also the title of an episode of the onetime CBS hit and now cult favorite TV show called “The Twilight Zone.” When you hear people talk about someone or something in the “The Twilight Zone,” those words found their cultural origins in Rod Serling’s mind-bending show that aired during the Kennedy Administration.
In the episode, a one-time bad guy who perished in a robbery finds himself in a confusing afterlife. He’s given everything he wants. Food. Money. Women. Riches. Derek Jeter’s house. Gronk. Alex Guerrero.
This poor soul is escorted through the afterlife by a portly, balding jolly fellow named Bruce Arians. Actually, the character’s name is “Pip” played by Sebastian “Mr. French” Cabot. But he does look a lot like Tampa Bay’s NFL coach.
Eerily so.
The plot thickens. Eventually, our scoundrel “Mr. Valentine” begins to wonder why God —no, Bill Belichick does not appear in this episode — would have allowed him pass into a place when every wish he has ever sought is being granted.
We soon learn that getting everything you want and winning every hand of poker you play begins to get real boring real fast. “Mr. Valentine” soon reaches his breaking point.
“If I gotta stay here another day, I’m gonna go nuts! I don’t belong in Heaven, see? I want to go to the other place.” Pip responds, “Heaven? Whatever gave you the idea that you were in heaven, Mr. Valentine? This is the other place!”
Pip demonically laughs as our pal realizes he’s in “the other place” and will never be able to escape this “endless paradise.” Twilight Zone. Hopefully, you’ve figured out where we’re headed by this point. Tampa Bay can be hell, especially during the summer months. It’s even worse when you lose your first game on national TV threeplus hours after Josh McDaniels and Cam Newton fist-bumped their way to victory in New England.
Luckily, Tom Brady, who is neither a scoundrel nor a crook, only has a two-year deal in Tampa Bay. His time in this “paradise” has been limited from the start. But like our “Twilight Zone” protagonist, Brady is quickly learning that getting everything you want up front won’t make you happy.
Even off the field, paradise is quickly fading by the dashboard lights for TB12 and kin. Jeter’s house, currently being rented by Brady, is on the market. It’s a 30,875-square-foot estate that covers 1.25 acres nestled on the edge of Tampa Bay. It has seven bedrooms, 16 full/half bathrooms and 9,000 square feet of outdoor space that includes two boat lifts and an 80-foot-long pool. It’s a steal at $29 million. Brady’s manse in Brookline, meanwhile, has been off the market since May. It’s hard to move $33 million homes amid a pandemic and nation-worst 16.1% unemployment back when people couldn’t legally buy a drink at the local tavern — assuming it hadn’t already closed for good.
We just endured 10 years of “Brady is finished” gibberish. He’s been teetering on the metaphorical cliff since 2016. We’re not about to bury him at sea after one bad game with Tampa Bay. But there is clear evidence that Brady’s vessel has gone adrift. The Bucs Pirate Ship is not sinking, but the sails have been trimmed. Brady and Arians appeared to be running two separate offensive schemes last week against the Saints. The Buccaneers did not bother to establish a running attack to give Brady more time to find his receivers. Brady has also thrown a pick-six in his past three games and was sacked three times Sunday.
Brady never got as many hugs from Belichick over the past 20 years as he required. Brady was duly savaged during team meetings when each screw-up appeared on film. But said coach offering such criticism also carried a resume that included anywhere between two and eight Super Bowl rings, depending on the year. More importantly, Brady was never thrown under the bus by his coach in New England immediately after a game like Brady was by Pip/Arians on Sunday. Belichick would never allow Patriots State Run Media such satisfaction.
Arians then changed his assessment after watching game film. Ugh.
While Brady isn’t eternally damned in Tampa Bay, he does lack the luxury of time in finding space in the sacred “Circle of Trust” for new targets like Mike Evans. Every week counts. Many of the mistakes that occurred Sunday may have been fixed had the
Bucs had a preseason. But that’s not an acceptable excuse because other teams and QBs found ways to make it work under the same conditions.
Brady and the Bucs are home Sunday against the Panthers. Parts of the “old” Brady should quickly re-emerge.
Brady helped turn New England into a heaven on earth for fans, athletes and media types during his 20 years there. It’s no secret he and Belichick had reached the limits of their compatibility. Patriots fans who harbor him ill will lack the maturity to raise children or own pets.
But “paradise” is never given to anyone. No matter how many perks are stuffed into your contract. It’s always earned.
Even for Tom Brady.