Fighting me isn’t the best idea

A man was relaxing in his hot tub in the garden of his home in Staffordshire, England, when “some crazy old man” showed up and challenged him to a fistfight. The 32-year-old homeowner, who once held the title of World’s Strongest Man, is 6-foot-2 and weighs 350 pounds. It didn’t last long.

HERE’S ONE TO GO, ON ME, DIRTBAG! A crook, armed with a machete, came into a pizza joint in Sussex County, Del., after it was closed for the night, and attempted a robbery. In response, the owner flung a pizza at him, and he ran away.

HEY, WHERE’D ALL THESE COPS COME FROM!? A woman smoking marijuana and playing a game on her phone on a public street in Derbyshire, England, was “too busy getting stoned” to notice cops watching her, and was rather surprised when they closed in on her.

I HAD DRUG MONEY BUT NOT GAMBLING MONEY: A man was arrested after stealing a catalytic converter by cutting through the exhaust pipe of a car in a parking lot in Maricopa, Ariz. He told the cops that he did it because of gambling debts. They found some methamphetamine in his pocket.

APPARENTLY, THEY CAN’T ‘DO THE HUSTLE’: Farmers in Northern Botswana, troubled by elephants trampling their crops, are using disco lights to scare them away. They have found that lines of flashing multi-colored lights set up around their fields in the floodplains near the wildlife-rich Chobe National Park are highly effective at frightening the great beasts.

AH, MEMORIES — SOUTH DAKOTA ON A SATURDAY NIGHT: According to the latest law enforcement statistics, people nationwide spent an average of 172 hours locked up in police custody while drunk over a period of 11 weeks. Nevada accounted for the lowest number at 33, and South Dakota the highest at 468.

I CAME BACK, WHAT’S THE PROBLEM? A man, who arrived in New Zealand from Sydney, Australia, didn’t like that he was confined to a coronavirus quarantine facility for 14 days, so he cut through a fence to visit a liquor store. He was gone for only half an hour.

IS AN EXPLANATION REALLY NECESSARY? About a dozen naked teenagers were spotted running through private land in the beautiful West Monkton area of Taunton, England, at about 7:30 in the morning. They were gone by the time the cops got there. Officers weren’t able to find any explanation for this behavior.

AND YOU HAVE A NICE DAY, TOO, MA’AM: Police in Australia, conducting COVID-19 compliance checks at the homes of people in isolation, have advised citizens to put on clothes when answering the door. But Detective Superintendent Jason Kennedy thanked them for giving officers a “warm reception.”