Parenting doesn’t end when children turn 18

So my readers understand that I also face exetiquette dilemmas, here’s an issue I recently dealt with. My daughter’s father and I have been divorced for years, but our daughter asked us both to travel from California to New York City to help her get settled in the next stage of her life. She confessed she was a little afraid and wanted both her parents there for moral support.

It was a strangely familiar trip, and we laughed about how it felt as if time stood still. We had both moved on, but here we were helping the child we both adored.

My daughter’s father asked us not to post pictures of the three of us on social media. He has a girlfriend who felt uncomfortable with us traveling together, and he felt it would hurt her feelings and provoke an argument. My husband had no issues with the trip. I did discuss my daughter’s father’s attitude with him, and he admitted he understood, but he also felt it was like denying reality.

When my daughter’s father mentioned his request to me, I told him I thought our daughter would be upset. If he really felt it was a problem he shouldn’t go, but to go and tell his daughter not to post pictures felt like he thought he was doing something wrong and asking her not to document it.

Our daughter was hurt. She hadn’t been with just the two of us in five years and would have liked a picture. She didn’t care if it was on social media. Out of respect for her father’s request, she didn’t make a big deal of the situation.

Some might question the need for both of us to have been there, but she asked because it was important to her. This is a perfect example of why I caution parents who think their interaction with their ex will stop when their child hits 18. Some children look to their parents for direction for their entire lives. Even if they don’t, they will most likely have children of their own. Don’t be surprised if you both end up at a grandchild’s birthday party.