OTHERS SAY: DIANE VENTRESCA
For military families, outside mentors vital As military children, my daughters have lived in seven states, switched day care/school each time, have left behind friends, have been separated from extended family, and have endured two overseas deployments and countless stateside missions of their father and stepfather.
As a mother, the hardest conversations I have ever had with my daughters are about their dads’ absences. They ask, “Is he going to be OK?” “When will he be home?” and they say, “He’s not going to be here for my birthday again.” It breaks my heart each time I have to tell them that their dad can’t be there, wherever “there” might be.
In Texas alone, there are an estimated 174,000 children living in households with one or more active-duty military parents. These children are in the unique situation of having to constantly adapt to change, having to accept that their parent or parents won’t be there for every milestone, and having to process a wide range of emotions that come with deployment.
In places that don’t have large military populations, these children feel even more alone because they don’t have the understanding of their peers or most of the adults in their lives. Big Brothers Big Sisters has recognized this gap of support and made it part of their mission to provide kids in this unique situation with a mentor who will be there for them during the exciting and the challenging times.
I am so thankful for Big Brothers/Big Sisters because they have provided my daughters with other caring adults who will be there for them. As a military spouse, I am constantly struggling to find time to manage work, school, and family obligations. With all these stressors vying for my time, it only makes sense that I may not see the signs that my daughters are struggling with something in their lives. The mentors my girls have been paired up with play a vital role of being first responders to my girls’ needs. I know that they are always looking out for what is best for my daughters and that if they notice anything, they will tell me.
My children are not alone. There are so many military kids separated from friends and family and feeling as if there is no one who can relate to them. Every military child deserves the special mentorship, friendship and love that only a mentor can provide. When children have their very own mentors, the anxiety of being alone is reduced, the fear of being the only kid at the play without someone to cheer them on goes away, and, most importantly, they feel as if they matter.
For me, as a military spouse, this program has provided a peace of mind that can’t be matched. Instead of worrying I will miss something life-changing in my girls’ lives, I relax knowing another adult is on the lookout, too. Instead of feeling enormous guilt because I or their dad can’t make an event, I know their mentor will be there to cheer them on. The mentors probably don’t even realize that what they are doing is also touching my life. They are providing a peace of mind that only comes from knowing someone’s got your back in your most important role in life: parenthood.
January is National Mentoring Month, and my hope is that you will read this article and reach out to Big Brothers Big Sisters. Are you on active duty with children who could benefit from a mentor? Contact BBBS about a Big Brother or Big Sister for your child. Are you looking for a place to donate your time, talent or treasure? Contact Big Brothers/Big Sisters and donate or become a mentor. It will change your life and make a profound impact on a child.