Keep off the grass

The devil went down to Little Rock …

JUST CALL him Lucifer, if he’s in need of some restraint. Legislators and whoever else happens to be near the Capitol grounds on Aug. 16 could be treated to not only a protest, but also to a giant bronze statue of Baphomet. It’s some sort of goat-headed demon from the occult . . . or something.

Well.

Why has old Ned taken such an interest in Arkansas’ capitol, you ask? The Satanic Temple is bringing the statue as part of a protest against the Ten Commandments stationed on the grounds there.

A spokesman for the Satanic Temple, who for some reason uses a fake name, said his organization opposes our Ten Commandments monument on government property because displaying Moses’ (heavy) instructions appears as though the state is endorsing one religion over another.

But who at the Satanic Temple thought it’d be a good idea to win over Arkansans (many of whom find themselves sho’ nuff in a church pew of a Sunday morning) by bringing a statue of the devil to our state? Get thee hence, guys. Most of us have spent our entire lives being taught that you-know-who goes to and fro in the land, looking for someone to devour. So bringing a statue of him to our doorstep doesn’t bode well for anyone’s cause if they seek to change hearts and minds.

But you knew this was coming. One monumental mistake follows another. Our betters in the Legislature have begun something of a Tower of Babel in which competing religious ideas are invited for a free-for-all on the Capitol grounds. For once the gates have been thrown open to one faith, all others must be allowed to enter.

Let us quote the Arkansas state constitution on the matter: “No human authority can, in any case or manner whatsoever, control or interfere with the right of conscience; and no preference shall ever be given, by law, to any religious establishment, denomination or mode of worship, above any other.”

Now a long line has formed down the block to compete with the Ten Commandments, and surely the courts will get involved. If they interpret the state and national constitutions as read, old Baphomet might hold court at the Capitol, too.

Other states have been in this predicament in the past. Down at Texas’ Capitol, the state’s attorney general at the time (who is now governor) had to defend the Ten Commandments in court by saying the display was one of many, and therefore perfectly legal. All he had to do was obliterate the holy, and mix it with other stuff. Then the Ten Commandments became just another archeological history lesson to illustrate the origins of law. And not to be taken literally, or seriously.

And this is how it starts. Once the state lays its hands on a religious symbol and chooses to use it for its own purposes, diluting the holy with generous heapings of the secular and profane—that is, the Ten Commandments with lots of other statues—the integrity of the religious symbol is compromised. And then it’s—ta da!—legal.

What an unholy mess.

THE NEXT time somebody tells you that the state Capitol in Little Rock needs another religious monument, tell them to not just do something, sit there.

To sum up: The devil is coming to Little Rock, lawsuits will surely follow (after all, this is America), legal arguments will surely have to be made that the Ten Commandments aren’t actually holy writ, and since these aren’t the days of miracles, a lot of money will have to be spent on behalf of We the People. Meanwhile, our roads continue to resemble cheese graters, online sales tax sits uncollected, the Buffalo National River remains polluted, and a host of other problems go unaddressed.

As far as Baphomet, if you do see him, use all your well learned politesse. After all, our elected representatives all but invited him here.