So many ‘reality’ shows, so little time to diss them
It has been a long time since we assembled a “reality” TV wrap-up.
Not because we’ve suddenly gone and developed good taste or standards. But because so much time watching has left little time for writing!
Here is the dish on various voyeurvision outlets. (Note: This is not an exhaustive list. How could it be with new trashy shows popping up on schedules on a daily basis?)
JUST ENDED America’s Next Top Model
The UPN show, in which aspiring waifs strutted catwalks and endured catfights under the tutelage of supermodel Tyra Banks, came to a close last week. The winner of the contest of the prettiest and soon to be the richest gal in America is ... who cares? It’s not you or me (nor is it North Little Rock’s Kesse Wallace, who appeared on the show). Moving right along.
For Love or Money
In the end, bachelor Rob got neither love nor money, just some infamy on www.thesmokinggun.com that dug up a past scandal involving sexual harassment during his military career, plus exaggerations of said military career on his resume.
STILL GOING For Love or Money 2
(NBC, 8 p.m. Mondays)
This again? But the season finale was last week! Starting Monday, Erin, the woman who picked the $1 million over Rob, is giving up her solid $1 million for a chance to win love and $2 million or ... nothing at all. We think this installment should be called For
Dumb or Dumberest. Big Brother 4
(CBS, 7 p.m. Tuesdays, 8 p.m. Wednesdays, 7 p.m. Fridays)
This time, it’s not just strangers fighting and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with strangers. It’s strangers fighting and not eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with strangers ... and their dreaded ex-significant others (who would have an appetite if they had to share close camera-surrounded quarters with their former flames?). Keep an eye on the aforementioned scandal site to read all about the inevitable restraining order violations.
American Juniors
(Fox, 7 p.m. Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. Wednesdays)
American Idol’s kid sibling features overly cute and talented little tikes attempting to out-sing, out-dance and out-dimple each other (as their creepy parents mouth along) in a chance to be in a pop group, as former teen queen Deborah Gibson of “Only in My Dreams” fame judges. Watch it? Only in my nightmares.
Real World: Paris
(MTV, 9 p.m. Tuesdays)
Six Americans and an Irishman turn the City of Love into the City of I-hateyou-because-you-are-so-inconsiderateand-wouldn’t-pick-up-my-curling-ironwhen-you-bumped-it-onto-the-flooroh-you-sent-flowers-to-me-that-wasconsiderate-wait-you-lied-and-pretended-those-flowers-were-from-youwhen-really-they-were-from-my-friendthat-has-the-same-name-as-you-I-hateyou.
Cupid
(CBS, 9 p.m. Wednesdays) Think of this series, produced by American Idol meanie Simon Cowell (hey, he needed something to do to get out of American Juniors), as Mr. Personality without the masks and The Bachelorette without the fantasy dates. In other words, another dating show without a clue. And another source of immense excitement for those without a life!
Paradise Hotel
(Fox, 8 p.m. Mondays, 8 p.m. Wednesdays)
Paradise Hotel is a show about fivestar luxury rooms, terry cloth robes with sunken whirlpool tubs and a fully stocked mini-bar. Not quite. It’s about young (but not too young to be able to drink heavily) hotties hooking up in a hotel ... or else they get kicked off and replaced by other young hoochies. Hello, room service? Can you send up a whole lot of cheese, please?
COMING DISTRACTIONS Who Wants to Marry My Dad
(NBC, debuts at 9 p.m. Monday) In which adult children try to find a spouse for their dad. Rejected show titles: Pimpin’ Out Pop and Who Won’t Engineer Me Out of the Will? Bachelorette wedding
(ABC, sometime this fall) Trista and Ryan are really going through with it. The bachelorette and her chosen bachelor will be getting married and receiving a $1 million wedding gift from ABC for the rights to broadcast their nuptials. And if the couple backs out, they’ll have to give back the $100,000 deposit and face legal fees. Everyone together now: “Here comes the bribe!”
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jennifer_christman@adg.ardemgaz.com Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture.