Porter’s ex-wives faced familiar barriers for accusers

Fear of not being believed keeps victims silent, advocate says

WASHINGTON — When Jennifer Willoughby and Colbie Holderness stepped forward to tell the story of how they were physically, verbally and emotionally abused by their ex-husband, who had since become a top White House aide, President Donald Trump had nothing but good things to say about the man they had accused of domestic violence.

Rob Porter “did a great job while he was at the White House. And we hope he has a wonderful career,” Trump said Friday, adding that the aide had vehemently maintained his innocence.

Porter’s resignation was announced Wednesday, just hours after a photograph was published of Holderness with a black eye, allegedly inflicted by Porter. Trump’s staff secretary called the allegations from his former spouses “outrageous” and “simply false.”

The White House response serves as a highprofile illustration of the obstacles many women face in speaking out about their abuse. First and foremost: Will anyone believe them?

“It so clearly illustrates that even today, in 2018, a lot of people react to these sorts of allegations by assuming that the woman is lying, or by indicating that, in essence, how a man behaves with women is nobody’s business, that it’s irrelevant,” said Emily Martin, National Women’s Law Center general counsel and vice president for education and workplace justice. “It suggests that what we really need to worry about is how these allegations will impact the man who is accused.”

Months before Willoughby spoke to reporters and identified Porter by name, she published a blog post explaining the fear and anxiety she felt about leaving her marriage and going public about the abuse she said she had suffered at the hands of a powerful man who was well-liked and well-respected.

“Everyone loved him . ... But in my home, the abuse was insidious. The threats were personal. The terror was real. And yet I stayed,” she wrote. “When I tried to get help, I was counseled to consider carefully how what I said might affect his career. And so I kept my mouth shut and stayed.”

In an interview on CNN’s “Anderson Cooper 360,” Willoughby said she’s often asked why she stayed in a relationship with Porter if he was a “monster.”

“The reality is he’s not a monster,” she said. “He is an intelligent, kind, chivalrous, caring, professional man. And he is deeply troubled and angry and violent. I don’t think those things are mutually exclusive.”

Martin said victims of domestic violence and abuse often hesitate to come forward because they worry nobody will believe their accounts, particularly when the balance of power between the abuser and the victim is uneven.

“That dynamic leaves many simply unwilling to consider the possibility that he has engaged in acts of violence, and when people aren’t willing to imagine that, the easiest thing to do is disbelieve the woman making these allegations,” Martin said.

Both Holderness and Willoughby spoke of how Porter’s abuse shattered their confidence and manipulated their emotions, making the women feel powerless. In an interview with NBC, Willoughby said she didn’t even realize she was in an abusive relationship until she had been suffering for a year.