HOW I GET FIT DONE
For London-based PT Danielle Lennon, 27, fitness was a way out of a cycle of disordered eating and self-loathing
How one reader used fitness to overcome disordered eating
Naturally, I’m pretty athletic – I have a strong physique and muscular legs. Bar the normal teenage hang-ups, I’d always been pretty content with how I looked, but things began to change in sixth form. To everyone else, I was a normal girl, but in my own mind, I was hideous. I’d skip meals, having just one a day, and lost all my puppy fat. But my body didn’t want to be that weight – I was too slim – and it took a ridiculously small amount of food to maintain it.
I was never formally diagnosed with body dysmorphia or an eating disorder; juggling university applications, my state of mind largely went unnoticed. At 18, I left home to go to uni, and, between the drinking, partying and £5 pizzas, gained all the weight back. But, although I was eating again, mentally, I was in a worse place than ever. I was a size 12, but when I looked in the mirror, I thought I was huge. After I’d had any food, I’d feel pure rage, telling myself that I shouldn’t have eaten. I’ve deleted all photographs of myself from that time. I became incredibly shy, not talking to anyone on my course. The level of self-loathing I felt meant I just didn’t have the confidence to develop relationships.
I was barely exercising – I joined a gym for a couple of months only to cancel my membership soon afterwards because I didn’t know what I was doing, and lacked the self-belief to give weights or equipment a go. During my third year of uni, I rejoined – but this time I approached it with a different mindset. I wanted to take back
some ownership over the way I felt about my body. I started out doing lots of cardio. I shed all the excess fat I was carrying and dropped to a size eight. But in the meantime, I’d been watching weight-lifting videos on Youtube and decided to create my own programmes to try out. I thought lifting heavy would make me bulk up – and I was still in a place where I didn’t like that prospect, so I just did high reps of low weights. That’s when I discovered what a great community there can be within fitness – a lot of guys at the gym would help me out, showing me how to do moves safely and offering guidance.
My elder brother Mikhal is a personal trainer and was incredibly supportive, offering nutrition advice, telling me I had to eat carbs for energy, and fat to regulate my hormones. I learned to appreciate that I needed food, that it was actually good for my body. Now, rather than focusing on losing weight, my goal was to grow and get stronger, so I lowered my reps and upped my weights. I found that the way I felt about myself was transforming. It wasn’t just the fact that I’d changed physically – although I had, becoming leaner and more toned – my confidence was skyrocketing and I really started to enjoy life. I was finally able to open up to people and made a load of new friends – people I’d met years previously but had never been able to let in.
Two years after graduating, I decided I wanted to give fitness as a career a go, and I’ve not looked back. I’m now a personal trainer, working exclusively with women. Helping them grow into more confident versions of themselves is my dream job.