‘All I managed to make was a doll-sized hat’
THIS WEEK’S COLUMNIST Actor and comedian Lucy Porter
I’m from a family of amazing craftswomen. I rejected any type of craftwork when I was younger – seeing anything my parents did as deeply uncool. But when I turned 50 I thought I’d like to develop a skill. I own beautifully embroidered table linen that my grandmother sewed, and the children have amazing knitwear from their aunt. I wanted to add to the collection.
What I do as a stand-up is so ephemeral. You tell jokes, then they’re gone. To create something more permanent, I thought I’d try knitting, which I found very stressful. All I actually managed to make was a doll-sized hat. I can imagine knitting is meditative when you hit your stride, but it just didn’t happen to me. It’s the language around it too. I think they need to do Duolingo (the learn-a-language app) for knitting.
I have taken up various hobbies over the years and do that thing of buying absolutely everything for it. I booked myself on a scuba-diving holiday and bought everything short of the scuba tanks; then I tried it in a cold pool in January and hated it. The same happened with skiing. I got all the gear, did it once and never again. The story of my life.
I thought I’d try crochet, as people said it was easier than knitting. I had this vision of making a crocheted Parisienne bag, taking it to the supermarket and filling it with citrus fruits. But mine had so many holes in it, only the biggest grapefruit would fit. Maybe if I bought watermelons it may have worked?
Day one of sewing I managed to put the needle of the sewing machine through my finger, and it took me three days to thread the machine and spool the bobbin. People who can do crafts assume others can do it, but you all have a basic level of competence I just don’t have! I watched a YouTube tutorial to make a simple purse. I got quite far with that before
I realised I had sewn the wrong side of the fabric and the lovely shiny gold material was on the inside.
I persevered with sewing, though, and even though I have to make a cup of tea every time I thread a needle (it takes that long), I have managed to produce a scrunchie. It took four hours and I probably could have just bought one instead. But I am very proud of it.
I guess I’m just waiting for that hobby that’s going to click, but that’s not the way life works, is it? It’s like love and friendship – you have to work at it.
Who knows, next time you see me on TV or pictured in a magazine I might be dressed entirely in an outfit of my own making. And carrying a crocheted bag that can hold apples, grapes… even raisins!
‘They need a Duolingo for knitting’