Insider report
Pobolycwm*! I’m Simon Coggle, co-founder and creative lead of Caliburnus Automotive, Wales’s newest, and only, supercar company. Over the next few months, from Caliburnus’s glamorous new creative space just of the Burger King roundabout in Merthyr Tydfl, I’ll be documenting our exciting start-up on its breakneck journey to 300.
Yes, Wales is joining the race to build the frst 300mph production car, and we’re darn well going to win it. True, Caliburnus Automotive has no car-building experience, but that’s our secret weapon. Unlike those lumbering dinosaurs at Bugatti, Koenigsegg and Hennessey, we’re not constrained by “production lines”, “supply chains”, “shareholders” or “potential customers”.
Joining me at the helm of Caliburnus is my business partner and co-disruptor Carl Woodcock, who is also temporarily my landlord, following a disagreement with my wife, which resulted in me moving out, and her personal trainer Yvan moving in to provide emotional support. Though neither Carl nor I are Welsh, or had ever visited Wales before this year, we both share an appreciation of its rich history of invention, spirit of endeavour and very afordable ofce space.
Why am I sure we’ll win the race to the big three-zero-zero? Well, Carl and I may not be “car experts” or “engineers” or “mechanically competent”, but we share a background in digital start-up technology, meaning we’re prepared to question the very fundamentals of the industry. Why does a hypercar have to have four wheels, one in each corner? Why can’t it be solar-powered? Why are windscreens made of glass? The answers, incidentally, are “because two-wheeled cars tend to fall over”, “because it’s really cloudy in Wales”, and “so you can see out of them”.
Point is, why should it take seven years to develop a car, when in just one morning I can build an app that fres frozen chickens at the Made In Chelsea cast? Our ambitious development schedule will see Caliburnus’s 300mph car on the road this summer.
How will it look? Awesome! What will it be powered by? Not sure yet, but probably electricity because that seems a bit less complicated than a petrol engine! How much will it cost? Don’t worry about minor details like that until you’ve put down your deposit!
Fasten your seatbelts, World, because the Welsh are coming. Next stop, 300mph...
NEXT MONTH – Branding
*Welsh for “hello and welcome”, according to our receptionist Rhian. Such a beautiful language!