Pick of the week’s Gossip

Some civil servants have an unofficial test for their briefing documents. The object is to make them so clear that even the dimmest of ministers can grasp the essential points by the third time of reading. For a while it was dubbed “the Amber Rudd test” in honour of one slow learner, but when Rudd became Home Secretary, it was decided that she deserved more respect. So the name was changed – to “the Priti Patel test”. Now, thanks to Patel’s unexpected promotion to same position, yet another name is under discussion. Hugh Grant (pictured) admits to allowing himself one prima-donna outburst per film, swearing at inanimate objects to disguise the fact that he’s forgotten his lines. An example is “F*****g cables! How am I supposed to act when I’ve got cables all around my feet?” – when, he admits, there is nothing actually wrong with the cables. Even at 58, he told Screen Daily, he is “tragically nervous” about acting, and can be put on edge by the slightest thing. “If my breakfast doesn’t arrive on time in my trailer I am furious. I have to pretend I am still a decent human being, but inwardly I am Cher – I’m screaming. I try not to do it aloud.”

The late Willie Whitelaw was a political grandee with the common touch. Touring a prison while he was in charge of the Home Office, he stopped to ask one inmate what he had been sentenced for. “I’m a contract killer,” came the reply – to which Whitelaw replied, “Splendid, splendid! Keep up the good work!”