IT MUST BE TRUE… I read it in the tabloids

A cruise for people who believe the Earth is flat – including the rapper B.O.B – will launch next year. Its organisers, the Flat Earth International Conference, describe it as their “biggest, boldest, best adventure yet”. Many flat earthers think the world’s space agencies have conspired to fake space travel and so discount all spherical evidence. But the cruise ship fraternity is sceptical. “Ships navigate on the principle the Earth is round,” said cruise captain Henk Keijer. “Nautical charts are designed with that in mind. I’ve sailed two million miles; I’ve not encountered one sea captain who believes the Earth is flat.” It’s going to be one of the year’s starriest weddings: the reception is to be held at Whoopi Goldberg’s New York apartment; the cake will be flown in from Nashville. And both the groom, Filmore (owned by Goldberg’s daughter, Alex Martin-dean), and his bride, Izzy, are French bulldogs. The couple met while their owners were working on Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. Izzy will wear a dress created by her personal stylist, a former Christian Dior designer; Timothy White, known for his Hollywood portraits, will be the official photographer.

In Costessey, Norfolk, people are carrying vinegar spray to defend themselves from a pheasant called Phil who is terrorising their village. Phil has chased and pecked many locals, and drawn blood from postman Daniel Gegaj, who says he first spotted Phil two months ago – ”chasing the van”. The RSPCA refuses to intervene, saying it can only do so if Phil himself is at risk.